Life is Good!

Wow, it has been a REALLY long time since I have blogged. I feel bad that I am so out of the loop with what is going on with everyone...hopefully I will have a chance to start catching up soon.

Things are going really well with our new little family. I think that it is finally starting to sink in that I am a mom. Sometimes it doesn't seem real, but there are other times when I definitely feel it, and it is amazing! I will admit that this has been a gradual process. So many people told me that I would feel this instant connection the first time I held J. I guess I did, but not to the level that I was expecting. I would say that the bond has been growing slowly, and I feel it more each day. Like I said, I feel like motherhood is still sinking in, so I am guessing that is part of it.

We have been getting into a good routine, and J is done with the lights. Both of these things are a huge blessing, because it means that I get to interact with him more and he is sleeping better at night. It also seems like J has grown so much already...he goes in for his first 2 week appointment on Monday, so I guess I will find out exactly how much then.

Also, thank you so much to everyone for the support that you have given me, especially over the past few weeks. It has meant SO much to me. I am hoping that I can soon start to get updated on what is going on with everyone else, and I can start returning the favor.

Confessions

I broke out the good ol' CBEFM last night. Today is CD 5, which means it is the last day I could start using it this cycle. I haven't used it for a few months, and for some crazy reason I decided to give it a go again. I figured that since I have the strips, I might as well use them rather then just let them sit there. It can't hurt, right? I am still holding to my resolve of not temping, so hopefully using the CBEFM on its own this cycle won't cause me too much anxiety.

Tomorrow, DH and I are going in for our appointment with the genetic counselor. We also invited my mom to come with us since she has the same intrachromosomal insertion as I do and so obviously my siblings are all at risk for having it. I think that the appointment should be interesting, but I seriously doubt that it will change any of our plans. DH and I both figure that we should just get as much knowledge and understanding about our situation as possible. I have a feeling that they will try and talk us into doing IVF, but I just can't see spending that much money on something that has a poor chance of working.

With my "crisis" - thanks for all of the suggestions! I have decided that I am bored but also burned out at the same time. I know that doesn't make a lot of sense. DH and I have been talking, and I think that we will plan a little weekend getaway up to Park City. Not the most exciting destination, but still a change of scenery. I also want to try and plan a girls trip with my sister, so we'll see if I can pull that off, too.

Crisis

I kind of feel a little bit silly writing this post, but I honestly feel like I am having a mini mid-twenties crisis. Who does that? I kind of feel like my life is in this holding pattern. I am the type of person who needs a project or something to be working on or towards. I don't really do well with having long breaks. I know that seems strange, but I can't really describe it. Like I told DH, after I graduated from nursing school, I got married, then went back for a master's degree, then thought I would be a mom. It has been progressive, I have been able to have some control over it, and I have known what to expect. Little did I know that it would take so long for that next step to happen.

I just feel restless. I find myself daydreaming about DH and me finding new jobs and moving across the country. I even went so far as to look at houses in South Carolina today while I was at work. I know that is VERY extreme...that is why it is just a daydream. But I feel like I need to do SOMETHING. I need SOMETHING on the horizon to look forward to. And, I guess you could argue that I kind of do - we are about halfway finished with all of our paperwork, so maybe we will have the adoption of our baby to look forward to, but that could take a long time. I told DH that maybe I just need to take a vacation (this time without the extended family), but I don't think that is really in the cards right now. We are saving up all of our money to pay for adoption expenses, so I have a hard time justifying spending our savings to take a vacation.

I just feel like I am in a rut. I need to find something to spice things up, but I don't know what. Any suggestions?