Benign!

I feel like it has been forever since I have had a chance to blog lately, but I am so excited to report that it looks like my tumor is benign!

I was a little nervous about going to my u/s on Wednesday, but I also had a really peaceful feeling that everything was going to be okay. I had to hold back a few tears, but I kept going back to that peaceful feeling. The tech told me that she would do the u/s and then have the radiologist look at it. After he had a chance to look at it, he would come in and talk to me. I could definitely recognize the tumor as soon as it came up on the screen...it looked like a big black hole. The whole u/s only lasted a couple minutes, and then the tech left to go get the doctor.

Waiting for the doctor seemed to take forever! The tech eventually came back in and said that he had been caught up with another patient, which was why it was taking so long. As soon as the doctor did come in, I could tell that he had good news. He said that he could definitely tell that it was benign because of how smooth the edges looked. He did another quick u/s just to look at it again, and then said he is very confident that the tumor is one of two kinds: either a fibroadenoma or another type (I can't remember the name) that is common during pregnancy. Assuming it is one of these kinds, they are perfectly harmless and I don't need to have it removed. The doctor said there is a slight chance it could be another type of benign lump that has the potential to grow and become cancerous, so if that is the case, it will need to be removed. He recommended I have a biopsy done just to make sure we know what type it is, so I am going in on Thursday to have that done.

I called my mom after I left the appointment and told her what was going on and also to see if she could babysit J while I have my biopsy. She said that apparently my aunt and grandma both had benign lumps in their breasts, so maybe this just runs in the family?

It is such a relief to know what is going on and to know that things are going to be okay. Even if I do end up having to have the tumor removed, at least I know the odds are VERY good that it isn't cancerous and won't pose a problem to my health. I am so grateful that things are going to be okay and that I should be able to look forward to many more fun times and years with my family!!!

Catching Up!

This post is going to be a bit random...lots of quick updates and thoughts.

First, I finally took a belly pic! I took it on Saturday, so it is me at 23w1d. It was kind of crazy for me to see the picture. Maybe that sounds weird, but sometimes I don't picture myself as being "that pregnant". Like maybe it hasn't sunk in still? Anyway, it is nice to see tangible proof that there really is a baby growing in there!



Mother's Day was amazing and definitely surreal. I had a lot of different thoughts and emotions that day. I feel like I had so much to be thankful for. I am so thankful to have J in my life and the opportunity I have to be his mom. I am also so thankful for Jumper and I can't wait to get to know her and be her mom. I also thought a lot about the past few Mothers Days. As I was sitting in church listening to the speakers talking about motherhood, I remembered all the pain and bitterness that I had felt before...everything that I thought had been buried was brought to the surface again. I almost started to get choked up remembering how hard it was and to feel like such an outsider. I think it made me really appreciate the day and my kids even more. I would like to hope that the pain of infertility will never allow me to take them and being a mom for granted. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real, but I am so thankful every day that it is!

I had my follow-up ultrasound today. This was the one that was scheduled because they weren't able to get all the measurements they needed of Jumper's head last time. This morning, I started to have a little bit of anxiety that something would be wrong...what if Jumper hadn't grown? What if there was no heartbeat? I suppose that the anxiety never goes away completely until the baby is born and is safely in your arms. Anyway, everything looked perfect during the ultrasound! Her growth is right on track and she weighs 1 lb, 5 oz. After the ultrasound, I decided to play a little joke on DH since he couldn't come with me. When I talked to him on the phone, I told DH that during the u/s they found out that Jumper was really a baby boy...not a girl! He totally bought it...he was silent on the other end of the line and then said that he was disappointed. I finally fessed up, but I thought it was a good joke!

I go for my routine appointment on Thursday, so it will be great to check in with Jumper twice this week!

As for the nursery, I ended up buying some bedding that is pink and brown. It is the same brand as J's crib set, so even though it doesn't really match, there are a few things that are similar. I figured that I will use chocolate as the mutual color, but besides that, I probably won't have a theme. I plan on printing some pictures of both kids to frame and hang on the walls, and finding a few other things to decorate. I will be sure to post pictures once I make more progress.

Jumper is a...

First, THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who left me those kind, encouraging words on my last post. It felt really good to be able to process my thoughts, and I really appreciate your support. That is one of the (many) reasons why I love this blogging community!

Anyway, we had our big anatomy ultrasound yesterday, and Jumper is a GIRL!!!! We are so excited! I had kind of had a feeling throughout my entire pregnancy that I was having a girl, but I knew that it wasn't for sure. As soon as the tech started the u/s, that was the very first thing that we saw...even DH and I could tell. She was positioned head down with her face toward my back, so it made it a little difficult for them to get all the measurements they wanted. Because of that, I get to go back in a few weeks for another u/s, but I am not complaining about that. Both the tech and the doctor said that everything looks great and I am still right on target for a September 2 due date.

Ultrasound and Dinner

I had the ultrasound for my integrated screening done on Thursday, and everything looked great! It was so great to see Jumper again. He/she seemed to be so much bigger in just the past week. We were able to get some really good profile pictures and also one where you could see Jumper's fingers. It really helped to make things seem more real and I am starting to realize more and more that this is actually happening and there is a baby growing inside of me.

I am starting to feel more comfortable with sharing the news...at least slowly. This has been a blessing for my mom and MIL because they have been bursting at the seams waiting to share. They admitted to me that they had shared it already with a few people, so I have learned that I better not share any news with them until I am ready for it to go public. I know that I am not ready to make the news official on FB or our family blog, but I don't know that I will purposefully hide it as much. There is some comfort in the fact that my mom and I have the same condition, and she never had a m/c this late. Hopefully this means that my risk is back to a normal level and things will keep progressing well.

Last night, DH, J, and I met up with K (J's birthmom) and her fiance for dinner. It was good to see her, catch up, and get to know her fiance. The dinner went really well. DH and I weren't too nervous to meet, but part of me did wonder if there would be any awkwardness. The conversation seemed to flow really well. It wasn't like we stayed and talked for a long time after dinner was over, but we still had things to talk about. K held J, and afterword, she said that she did not feel a connection to him like he was her son. Even though she still loves him, I think that seeing J with us helped cement in her mind that she made the right decision. That was a relief for me...I was a little nervous that seeing J might make things harder on K, but from what I could tell, it seemed to help. I am not sure how if/when K will want to see J again, but we told her that we are open to another meeting and would let K make that decision. K also brought gifts for us, which kind of took us by surprise, since we didn't bring anything for her. She gave J a "Curious George" book and stuffed animal, and then she gave DH and me life history journals and wrote us each really nice notes. We plan to give K a gift for mother's day, and I am sure we will at least send her a card or small gift when she gets married.

Anyway, that is all for now. I am looking forward to enjoying my long weekend with DH and J tomorrow...should be nice!

We Saw the Heartbeat!

Today's appointment went perfect! I was SO nervous - I had pretty much convinced myself that things weren't going to work out. And then the more I dwelled on it, the more I kept imagining that I was cramping and having less pregnancy symptoms. So when I was waiting at the office, I was so nervous I seriously thought that I was going to be sick. I grabbed some kleenex while we were waiting for the doctor to come in and just prepared for getting bad news.

Once the doctor started the ultrasound, he could immediately see the baby. He showed us the heartbeat and it was so amazing to see it flickering on the screen and then to hear it beating. He said that the ultrasound looked perfect! The baby is measuring at 6 weeks, 6 days, which is a little ahead of what I thought I was at. It was seriously the most amazing thing to see. The only other time that I was far along enough to have an ultrasound, we only had bad news - I thought I was ten weeks, but the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks, 3 days.

Our doctor recommended that we get back in touch with the genetic counselor again. She will review some testing options to see if there is any additional tests we want to do to make sure there are no birth defects. Even though they think that the problem with my chromosomes would lead to miscarriage over a birth defect, we are still at an increased risk.

I feel SO relieved that everything went okay. I know that we aren't out of the woods yet, but it feels good to be this far. DH really wants to tell our families, and I guess I am okay with it. We have told a few close friends, and we told my sister that is living with us. I guess at this point, we would want them to know if things changed and we had a miscarriage, so maybe we might as well tell them now? We'll see...