Friday, June 24, 2011
I went in for my biopsy yesterday, and things seemed to have gone well. I saw the same doctor that I did last week, and he confirmed that he thinks the tumor is benign. He said that he has seen cancer in girls my age before, but none of their tumors looked like mine, and that he has seen tumors like mine before, but none were cancerous. He said that it just has all the hallmark signs of being benign, so that is a relief. The biopsy itself was very easy and painless. It only lasted a couple of minutes and I think that the most painful part was having so much pressure put on my boob (to stop the bleeding) after it was over. I should hopefully get the results on Monday, so then I will know for sure what is going on in there.
The baby preparations are coming along, but it seems like there is still a lot to get done. We need to buy a closet organizer before I can really start putting the nursery together, but at least it is painted and we have a crib. I will post pictures once it gets a little closer to being done. I also still need to buy a car seat and a double stroller. We are planning on having Jumper use the car seat that J has been using, so I just need to buy him a bigger one. I have slowly been buying "girl" items, like clothing, bibs, etc, but there is still a lot to get. I have just been trying to spread it out so that I am not having to pay for it all at once.
I tried to sign up for childbirth class, but the classes are all full! My doctor warned me that they fill up quickly, so I guess it is my own fault. I would have really liked to have taken a class, but I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what to expect. I did a few rotations of labor/delivery when I was in school, plus we saw J's birth, so I know what happens...it is just a matter of it happening to me! I also think it would have been helpful for DH to go to the class, but I think he is a little relieved that he is off the hook.
J is doing so great and is getting SO big. I started taking him to swim lessons this month, and he has absolutely loved it. Granted he is far off from being able to really swim, but I can tell that he is learning things and he just does so well in the water. He has also started crawling and he is always pulling himself up to a standing position and trying to walk. I have a feeling that he will be walking, even if it is just around furniture, by the time Jumper is born. The crawling is already making him so mobile, so I can only imagine how it is going to be when I am trying to keep track of him and care for a new baby. It should make life interesting, but I know that I wouldn't want it any other way.
Oh...and one of the most exciting things is that we are finalizing J's adoption on Monday!!! I am so excited! It kind of seems strange in some ways because he just feels like he is my kid, so why have to go through this process? It will be so nice to have it all taken care of and for him to legally be mine!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
I was a little nervous about going to my u/s on Wednesday, but I also had a really peaceful feeling that everything was going to be okay. I had to hold back a few tears, but I kept going back to that peaceful feeling. The tech told me that she would do the u/s and then have the radiologist look at it. After he had a chance to look at it, he would come in and talk to me. I could definitely recognize the tumor as soon as it came up on the screen...it looked like a big black hole. The whole u/s only lasted a couple minutes, and then the tech left to go get the doctor.
Waiting for the doctor seemed to take forever! The tech eventually came back in and said that he had been caught up with another patient, which was why it was taking so long. As soon as the doctor did come in, I could tell that he had good news. He said that he could definitely tell that it was benign because of how smooth the edges looked. He did another quick u/s just to look at it again, and then said he is very confident that the tumor is one of two kinds: either a fibroadenoma or another type (I can't remember the name) that is common during pregnancy. Assuming it is one of these kinds, they are perfectly harmless and I don't need to have it removed. The doctor said there is a slight chance it could be another type of benign lump that has the potential to grow and become cancerous, so if that is the case, it will need to be removed. He recommended I have a biopsy done just to make sure we know what type it is, so I am going in on Thursday to have that done.
I called my mom after I left the appointment and told her what was going on and also to see if she could babysit J while I have my biopsy. She said that apparently my aunt and grandma both had benign lumps in their breasts, so maybe this just runs in the family?
It is such a relief to know what is going on and to know that things are going to be okay. Even if I do end up having to have the tumor removed, at least I know the odds are VERY good that it isn't cancerous and won't pose a problem to my health. I am so grateful that things are going to be okay and that I should be able to look forward to many more fun times and years with my family!!!
Friday, June 10, 2011
At the end of the appointment, I told my doctor about the lump I found. She did a thorough exam and agreed that there is definitely a lump there. She congratulated me on finding it because she said it is somewhat deep in the tissue. She does not think that it is related to my pregnancy, but is most likely benign due to my not showing any other symptoms/changes or having a family history of cancer. She gave me an order to go get a breast u/s done and said that they will tell me right after the u/s if I need to have it biopsied. I was able to get my u/s scheduled and am going in on Wednesday afternoon.
I am really relieved that my doctor listened to me and is taking the lump seriously, but to be honest, I am also really freaking out. I have been doing a lot of online reading, which helps in some ways, but makes it worse in others. I read that 70-80% of lumps found during pregnancy are not cancerous, but that still means that 20-30% are! My mind instantly jumps to worst-case scenario and I start thinking about what being diagnosed with cancer would mean for the rest of my pregnancy. Would I have to deliver early in order to start treatment? How would that affect Jumper? Then I start to think about how cruel it would be for me to finally get my family, only to have me taken away from them. I can't stand the thought of not being there for these kids, and just the thought of it makes me start crying. It hurts so much to think that there is even a slight possibility that maybe I wouldn't be there to see them grow up, that they wouldn't remember me, and that there could be some other woman in my place. I know I am getting way ahead of myself and I need to just wait and see what they find on Wednesday, but it is so hard not to worry.
I have also debated whether I should tell my mom what is going on. Right now, DH is the only other person who knows about the lump, and I have been putting on a brave face for him. I hesitate to talk to my mom because she has been under so much stress as it is, and I hate to add one more thing. My sister is still giving her grief and stressing out the family, plus my mom's parents aren't doing well. They live out of state, so my mom has been considering planning an emergency trip to go see them and help make sure their affairs are in order. I am sure that my mom would want to know what is going on, but part of me wants to wait until at least after Wednesday so that she doesn't have to deal with the added stress.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The aquarium had a penguin exhibit, so we decided to compare J to the size of the different penguins. When I tried to show him the penguins that were swimming around, I think he was more interested in the water than in the actual penguins.
They had an area where you could touch some rays that were swimming around. For the most part, it was a little too deep for J to reach, but we were finally able to get one close enough that he was able to touch.
Staring at the fish...J's favorite were definitely the ones that were colorful.
All in all, it was a fun trip. I think that J will really enjoy it once he gets a little older (and we go when it isn't quite as crowded). I still really want to take him to the zoo, so hopefully we will be able to go sometime this month. I have a feeling that he will LOVE watching all the animals.
Friday, June 3, 2011
I have started making more and more progress in getting things ready. I still don’t think that DH has realized all that we need to do. He always falls back to the fact that we were able to get ready for J so quickly, but I have to keep reminding him that we had a ton of showers after J was born, and I just don’t feel like we can plan on having that happen again this time. It has been really fun for me to be able to plan everything and start buying little girl things. So far, I have bought another crib, bedding set, and have started buying her some clothes. I also bought fabric so that I can make her a quilt. Some times it seems like it is easy to prepare for her since we already have J, but other times it seems like there is so much to buy!
I go in for my glucose/diabetes screening next week. I am not too concerned, so hopefully everything goes well. The one thing I am concerned about is that I found a lump on my breast a couple of weeks ago. I showed it to DH and he was able to feel it pretty easily, too. It hasn’t gone away and is maybe a little tender, but only if I am touching it a lot. I read in my WTE book that sometimes women will get lumps because their milk glands get clogged, but it also said that these lumps are usually tender and the surrounding areas are red. I know that chances are it is related to the pregnancy and will not end up being anything to worry about, but it still concerns me. What if it IS something to worry about??? What if after all this time I finally get my precious kids, only to have something else happen?
It is also time for DH and I to sign up for a childbirth class! I don’t think that DH is really looking forward to this – he keeps saying that he has already been through a childbirth, but I keep telling him that it will be much different now that I am the one having the baby. I have been trying to decide between the regular childbirth class and one that has a heavier focus on breathing techniques for people that are going naturally. I haven’t decided yet what I want; I have a feeling I will end up getting an epidural, but there is a small part of me that is considering going natural. I know the classes are filling up pretty quickly, so I need to make some sort of decision soon. I am kind of leaning towards just the normal class, but we’ll see…