Easter Weekend

We were able to get away for a little while over Easter weekend, and it was SO nice to enjoy some warmer temperatures and sunshine. My FIL and his wife invited us, DH's brother's family, and step-siblings to come down to southern Utah for the weekend. Having that many people around made things a little chaotic, but it was still good to get away.

Most of the activities that were planned were geared more towards the older kids, so on Saturday, we decided to take a driving tour of Zion's National Park. I was a little nervous about how J would do in the car because it ended up being quite a bit of driving, but he did great. He absolutely loved being outside and looking around.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas! We had such a great time spending Christmas with our family. It was wonderful to have J with us for Christmas...I don't think I would have done well otherwise. There were two pregnancy announcements...one was the one that I suspected: DH's brother and his wife are expecting their second baby and are due in July. My other SIL also announced that she is 4 weeks pg. This was a very unexpected baby, and she is deciding whether she will keep it once it is born or go the adoption route. After the first announcement, it was really funny because everyone was asking my BIL and SIL how they could keep the secret for so long (she is 12 weeks), and DH and I were just laughing to ourselves about the secret we had!

Here are a couple pictures of our day. This first one was right before we went home at the end of the night, and you can see how tired we are. I love the one of J in his Santa hat!


I am SO glad that tomorrow is Monday and the RE's office will be open. I have seriously been such a nervous wreck. I analyze every little symptom, and I keep checking for spotting whenever I use the restroom. Sorry if that is TMI, but that is just the way it is. I keep thinking that I am feeling some cramps, but it is always just that I need to pee again. I know that there isn't anything I can do to control the outcome, but I still feel so nervous that something is going to happen and I will be crushed.

I think that the news is starting to sink in. I was definitely in shock at first, but now I am so excited, even if it is a nervous excitement. I REALLY want this to work. I know that things will be crazy at first, but I want this baby so badly. I was a little nervous when I told DH, but he is excited too. I hope that my doctor calls first thing in the morning tomorrow so that I can feel like things are moving forward. Also, thank you so much to everyone for your support. I know that it is not fun to receive a surprise pg announcement, especially this time of year. I am sure taht it doesn't help that we were just blessed to adopt J, so we will *hopefully* have two babies so close.

This and That

I apologize in advance, but this is a very random post!

First, sorry about my little vent from my last post. I totally realize that pregnancy is hard and is definitely not comfortable. My issues with B has been that she only complained, and never said anything positive about being pregnant. I think that it also brought out some jealous feelings in me.

Anyway, not much is new with us. I feel like I should have something exciting to post, but I don't. We are pretty much already for Christmas, and I can't believe that Christmas is this week! I am so excited to celebrate Christmas with J, even if he doesn't know what is going on. Last Christmas was AWFUL - it was my niece's first Christmas, and she was the first grandchild. I absolutely love my niece, but it was so hard to see what we were missing, and to hear the repeated comments about how more grandchildren were wanted. This Christmas will be much better! And, speaking of my niece, I have a slight hunch that her parents may be making a baby announcement this Christmas. My SIL is very health conscious and has always been really thin, but I have noticed a little something around her belly lately. I know that doesn't mean that she is expecting, but I am still "prepping" myself.

I have talked a little bit with other people with IF about BCP after having a baby. Some people have taken the stance that since it was so hard to get the baby in the first place, there is no point in using birth control, while others get back on immediately. DH and I have talked a little about it, and for the meanwhile, I am BCP free. We figured that the chances of us conceiving are low, so why waste the money each month. I honestly believe it would take a miracle for me to get pg.

Earlier in the year, Wistfulgirl's World did a monthly "Secret Pal", where you were assigned someone's blog to follow during the month, offer extra support, etc. Secret Pals was put on hold for a while, but I am so excited that it is back! You can check out this post if you are interested in signing up!

Update and Labor Day Weekend

First, DH and I e-mailed M back on Thursday, and I haven't heard anything yet. However, I did use my work e-mail, so hopefully I will have a response waiting for me when I get to work tomorrow! I am not counting on it, but I would love it if it happened.

DH and I spent our Labor Day weekend camping with his extended family (as in like 40 or so people). I wasn't really too excited to go camping, but DH really wanted to go. I don't mind hanging out with his family, but I just wasn't looking forward to spending my weekend camping.

Anyway, I tried to go with a good attitude, but maybe it is a bad omen when the first thing that is said to you when you get out of the car is "I don't know if C told you, but I am 14 weeks pg". This was said to us by the wife of DH's cousin who was living with us until they got married this past March. I am guessing that this is a surprise pregnancy, because she told us "When you don't have sex until you get married, you end up having sex a lot after". Too bad it isn't that easy for everyone!

Because of this pg announcement, I was the only wife there who wasn't pg or didn't already have kids. It seemed like every conversation with the girls my age revolved around kids or being pg. I honestly felt like I didn't belong/fit in because I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. It wasn't anything that DH's family did wrong, but it was a constant reminder to me that I have failed at getting KU. Several people asked me about our adoption proceedings and it was nice to have them so genuinely interested, but at the same time, it would have been nice to be able to talk with people about things besides the adoption. I mean, there is more to me than that, right?

I kind of had a little breakdown last night in our tent, but lucky for me, I have become a pro at hiding my feelings when I am having a hard time. It sucks that this is the one thing I have learned to succeed at, but I didn't want to ruin DH's weekend. I did tell him a little bit about how I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere because of IF and not having kids, and he just made a joke of it by saying "Well, you seem to fit in with L". L is DH's six year old cousin.

So, I wouldn't say that I had a bad time camping, but it wasn't as fun as I was hoping for. I have always had such fun times with DH's family...I hate having to worry now that maybe I will feel out of place. Hopefully I was just having a rough day and I will be able to feel differently next time.

4 Years!

DH and I celebrated our anniversary this weekend, and I honestly can't believe that four years have already come and gone! It seems like just yesterday that we were just friends, hanging out with everyone else.

Our anniversary was a little low-key, but it was really nice that way. It made it easier to focus on each other and enjoy each other's company. On Saturday, we went out to eat at a restaurant called The Roof. It overlooks the place where we got married and offers a beautiful view of the city, which was nice and quite romantic. We had such a good time reminiscing about the past four years and sharing our hopes for the future. We both made comments about how even though our journey has been a little different than we thought it would be when we first were married, we are so grateful that we could share it with each other.

Our actual anniversary was on Sunday. Instead of going out on Sunday, I made a fancier dinner for us to enjoy at home. DH gave me a beautiful bouquet of roses and we exchanged gifts. It was pretty relaxing, but still nice. It was nice to not have any distractions and really just enjoy the time we had to spend with each other.

Although I didn't let myself dwell on it too much, this weekend also marked when we would have had a one year old child if it weren't for the m/c. HOWEVER, I have been doing so good at moving away from the what-ifs lately, and so it wasn't too hard. Of course I wonder how things would have been if we were celebrating a birthday, but it wasn't as painful as it could have been.

Getting Closer/Long Weekend

I can't believe that in less than two weeks, DH and I should hopefully be officially approved for adoption! It seems like the time has gone so quickly (not that I am complaining)!

I have been working a lot on our profile. I have got the basics of our birth parent letter done, although I am not quite satisfied with it yet. I have also been working on choosing pictures for our photo album, and I am pretty much done with that, too. Next Friday/Saturday DH and I are going to an adoption conference in our area called Families Supporting Adoption. Attending this conference will give us our education credits that we need for approval. It is so exciting to think that we are getting so much closer and that we really are moving forward...infertility has made me feel like no matter how hard I try, I just can't move forward. It is nice to feel like I have some control over the whole process.

Today, DH and I were out running errands and I decided to go into USA Baby. I will admit that it was kind of weird to be there, not be pg, but be looking around for myself. It was exciting to be looking at cribs, bedding, and strollers and to know that these are things that we could start purchasing. It almost seemed surreal - like if I wasn't careful, it would all slip through my fingers or I would wake up and it would just be a dream.

Also, DH and I are lucky enough to be enjoying another long weekend right now! In Utah, there is a holiday called Pioneer Day every July 24th. Pioneer Day commemorates when the Mormon Pioneers entered the Salt Lake Valley and settled the area. It was SO nice to have today off of work, sleep in, and just spend time with DH. Tomorrow we are planning on getting together with my family for a BBQ and fireworks, so that should be fun, too.

Easter Weekend

This past weekend was a lot of fun!

I didn't end up getting together with my friends on Saturday night, but instead went out with my mom and sisters. We just went to the mall and then out for a treat, but it was still a lot of fun. I don't remember the last time that I went out with all three of my sisters and my mom at the same time, so it was obviously overdue. While we were out shopping, I got these new crop pants from American Eagle.

The best part about buying them was finding out that I have gone down almost two sizes since the last time I bought pants there! It is nice to see that even though the scale isn't changing much, my body is responding to my running and increased time at the gym!

Everything went well on Easter Sunday. It was a little bit stressful cooking all day and trying so many new recipes, but everything turned out and I think that everyone had a good time. I should have taken some pictures to have proof of my work, but the only proof I am left with now is refrigerated leftovers and sore feet! :)

Friday Thoughts

Today is my third day on Clomid. So far, I haven't noticed any crazy side effects, which is a relief. The only thing I have noticed is that my boobs are a little sore and I have been waking up a few times in the night because I am hot. I am sure that DH is relieved I haven't been feeling too crazy. I warned him that I heard some people end up getting really bitchy, so he was expecting the worst.

We got our information packet from the adoption agency yesterday. Basically, their charge is 10% of your gross annual income, with a minimum charge of $4000 and a maximum charge of $10,000. DH and I didn't really get a chance to talk about all of the information (my cousin is staying with us for a few days while she visits from CA), but I guess we just need to talk about it and decide whether we are ready to take that plunge, or if we want to just stick with what we are doing now.

I am really looking forward to this weekend. My church has a semi-annual general conference, which is basically when our prophet and other church leaders speak to church members via a broadcast on Saturday and Sunday. I always love getting that spiritual boost. Plus, on Saturday night, there is a meeting that is held just for the guys. My friends and I have started a girls night out tradition during this time, and we always have so much fun! We are still trying to decide on all the details...we will for sure go to dinner, and then either go shopping, see a movie, or get pedicures.

I am also excited for Sunday, because we are having Easter dinner at my house. This is the first holiday that I have ever hosted at my house, so I am a little nervous, but I think it will be fun. My family plus my MIL and her husband are coming over, so we should have a good group. Have a happy Easter!

Valentine's Preview

I know that Valentine's isn't that big/exciting of a holiday, but for reason I have really been looking forward to it this year. What made it even better was the realization that it also falls on a long weekend. This is great not only because of having Monday off of work, but because it also means that DH's cousin (he is living with us until he gets married in March) will likely go home for the weekend.

Since Valentine's is on a Sunday, we will probably go out to eat on Saturday and then I have planned a nice stay-at-home meal for us Sunday night. I am excited to have an excuse to make a more formal dinner and to finally use my china. We have been married for almost 3.5 years, and it has been in the box this entire time!

For dinner, I am planning on making coq au vin...thanks to Emma for the recipe! I am going to serve it with garlic mashed potatoes, green beans, and rolls. For dessert, I am planning on making a chocolate Oreo cheesecake. I hope everything turns out, since I have never made the coq au vin or the cheesecake before. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

On to Happier Things...

I am 99% sure that I am not KU this cycle. I am not surprised and really not that dissapointed. Ever since CD1, I have had a feeling that it wasn't going to happen this time. I am okay with it, although I would have obviously still like to be proven wrong. I had a little bit of spotting this morning, so we'll see if AF shows up in the next day or so.

Anyway, on to happier things:

A big "THANK YOU" to Type A for giving me my very first blog award! How exciting is that?!?!

The instructions that go along with this award are as follows:
* Thank the person who nominated you for this award.

* Copy the award and place it in your blog.

* Link the person who nominated you for this award.

* Tell us 7 interesting things about you.

* Nominate 7 bloggers.

* Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.

***Here are seven interesting things about me***

1. My very favorite book of all time is Gone with the Wind. I have read it several times and know I will read it several more.
2. I started playing the piano when I was in kindergarten, but am sadly out of practice.
3. I have a HUGE phobia of snakes and spiders. It is so bad that I can't even walk by them in the pet store and watching them on TV gives me the creeps.
4. When I go grocery shopping, I try to keep my cart organized with like items together (i.e. refrigerated foods in one part, produce in another, cans separate). I do this so that they will hopefully be bagged that way and it will be easier to put them away when I get home.
5. I grew up with the "greatest snow on earth" and just a few minutes away from great ski resorts, but I don't ski or snowboard. I tried boarding 4 years ago and do not like it.
6. I enjoy cooking and wish I had more time to try out new recipes.
7. I cannot stand milk. I won't even put it on my cereal.

***Seven Bloggers that I Give this Award to***
Ibis

Emma

Coco

My Basic World

Leda

Al Anonymous

AnxiousMummy

Thank you ladies for sharing your thoughts and insights with the me and the rest of the TTC/IF world!

*****

As a side note: I am trying to plan a delicious Valentine's dinner for DH and me. I know that V-day is still a few weeks off, but I am really trying to plan ahead. I figure that we will go out for Valentine's on Saturday night, so I want to make a fancier dinner and dessert on Sunday. I know I want to make a chocolate cheesecake, but besides that I am still pretty clueless. Please let me know if you have any ideas!

Christmas Weekend

I can't believe that Christmas is gone already! Time flies!

I decided to take Christmas Eve off of work. I was really looking forward to having the house to myself and being able to do what I wanted to do. My day was pretty low-key...I did some housework and watched TV until DH came home from work (he got off at 2:00). Later, we headed over to my parent's house to spend the night with them. My family has had a tradition for as long as I can remember where we drive around after dinner to look at the neighborhood Christmas lights. It is such a simple tradition, but I always look forward to it. After that, we read a Christmas book and played some games before everyone headed for bed.

At this point, I recalled that I had a peak on my CBEFM that morning and still had EWCM. DH and I had BD the night before, so I was trying to decide whether I thought it was okay to let things go for another day or if we needed to BD again. I decided to error on the side of caution and convinced DH that we needed to BD again...in the family room AT MY PARENT'S HOUSE! Never in a million years did I think that I would be BD at my parent's house...it was kind of weird, but also kind of fun to be so sneaky!

We spent Christmas morning with my family. DH spoiled me this year...he gave me a new wool coat, a gift card to go to the spa, a cook book, Jazz basketball tickets, and a license plate cover. After we finished up at my parent's house, we went over to visit my MIL. Things were going great over there until DH's brother and his wife arrived with their baby (my niece and my MIL's only grandchild). MIL proceeded to give my niece tons of gifts (which I expected and am TOTALLY fine with), but then started talking about how she has to spoil my niece because she doesn't have any other grandkids, how she would really appreciate having some more, yadda yadda yadda. DH and I kept making comments about how we are "working on it" , but really? Why would she even make comments like that? She knows that we had a m/c, have been TTC for a long time, and that we have started undergoing fertility testing. It's not like we have been sitting around and not being proactive about starting a family. Needless to say, I left her house in a less than cheerful mood. It can be so hard pretending that it is easy being around babies and pg women, and as I have said before, this Christmas has been especially hard.

After we were done at my mil's house, we headed over to DH's grandma's house to see her and DH's dad. Once again, my niece got pretty spoiled, but at least there were no comments as to why there was only one grandchild to spoil. Also, my FIL and his wife gave me a new Coach bag, so I left that family gathering in a better mood.

After that, DH and I decided to head home. We were both exhausted and ready to relax. We watched a movie, then just decided to go to bed.

All in all, it was a very fun Christmas! I just hope that by Christmas next year, I have been able to fulfill my MIL's wish!!!