Almost There!

Well, I feel like things are going better than they were last week. It is crazy to look over at my ticker and see that it says there are only three days left!

My appointment last week went well. The doctor said that I was 80% effaced and dilated to a 1+, so that is a little bit of improvement from before. She also stripped my membranes, in the hopes that would help move things along. She encouraged me to do a lot of walking and of course, have s.ex, which is the last thing on my mind. :) At least something I am doing has been paying off, because I lost my mucous plug on Friday. It is really good to know that things are progressing and my body is getting ready.

Part of me just wishes that I would go into labor, but part of me still feels like this has gone by so quickly and that I need to cherish every last minute. I hope that I will have the opportunity to experience pregnancy again in the future, but I know that I can't count on it.

Going forward, I have another appointment this Friday, which is my actual due date. Last week, my doctor told me that they typically won't do an induction until the baby is a week overdue, so hopefully that means no later than a week from this Friday. I have been joking with my family that Jumper is going to wait to be born until then so that she can join our family's September birthday party - between me and two sisters, there are three birthdays within four days (September 10, 12, and 13).

In other news, I just received a really sad phone call while I was typing this post. I got a phone call from K's (J's birthmom) mom, who said she wanted to let me know that K has relapsed on drugs and that she wanted to warn us so that we could take adequate steps to protect our family. We talked for a while, and it broke my heart to hear about the choices that K has made. I have been thinking about her so much lately, and perhaps this is why. Her mom did say several times that she has so much peace knowing that J is with us and part of our family, and it scares her to think about where he would be if K hadn't placed him for adoption. I love J so much, and it is horrible to think of what type of environment he could be living in or what kind of life he could have. I also still have such a love for K for the decision that she made to place J with us...I wish there was something I could do, but I don't think there is anything other than praying for her. At her mom's recommendation, I think that DH and I will likely stop e-mailing K and making a few other changes just to be on the safe side, but we need to talk about it some more.

Reflecting

I have been thinking a lot about J's birthmother, K, recently. I don't know if it is because as Jumper's due date draws closer, I have been thinking a lot more about when J was born, but I'm not sure. We haven't heard from K since President's Day weekend. I continue to send her a monthly update and pictures, but I have no clue if she is still reading them. I often wonder how she is doing...is she happy? Is she able to spend time with her two children? Did she end up getting married in June like she was planning? Does she ever miss J and wonder what he is doing? Does she ever regret her decision to place him for adoption or wonder what he is like? In some ways, it surprises me that I am the one who misses having contact with K. When we first started the adoption process, I felt nervous about having contact with a birthmother, because I worried that it would make it seem like J wasn't "mine" or that she would interfere with me being his mom. Now, I wish that there was at least a little contact or some sort of closure so that I could share it with J when he gets older.

I will always be so thankful and indebted to K for the decision that she made to choose DH and me as J's family. I love that little boy so much and I can't imagine life without him. It is crazy to think that I ever wondered if I would bond with him or love him as my own, because now it feels like he has always been mine and I can't imagine loving his new sister any differently than I love him. I am such a firm believer in adoption and I truly believe that J was always supposed to be in my family; he just had to come a different way than most kids do. I am so thankful to be J's mother and for the happiness he brings to DH and me!

Vote for Us!!!

I entered J into the Gerber Generation Photo Contest...the winner of each age level gets an Ipad 2, and the grand prize winner receives a $50,000 scholarship! I am trying to get as many votes for him as possible. Voting begins today and runs through July 31.

If you are on FB, PLEASE vote for him! You can vote once per day per FB account. You can click here for a direct link or here and search for him using his entry ID, which is 77850. Thanks so much for voting!!!

Finalized

We were able to finalize J's adoption on Monday...such a great day! Everything went really smoothly. We were so fortunate to have DH's grandpa be our lawyer, so it made it even more special. Basically, our caseworker just got on the stand and testified about the process of our approval, placement, follow-up visits, and that she thought placement with us was in J's best interest. Then, DH and I testified together that we were willingly adopting J and were able to care for him.

Even though I have felt like J is mine and is part of our family for a long time, it is still nice to have him be officially ours. I know that he is part of our family, and for whatever reason, just had to come a different way. Now it is all legal, and he will always be mine!

I also got the final results of my biopsy on Monday, and everything is good! I have a benign fibroadenoma, which is what the doctor thought it would be. Such a relief to have the answers and not have to worry about it anymore!

30 Weeks!

Wow, I can't believe I have made it to 30 weeks...time is going by WAY too fast, and I feel like there has been so much going on and so much to get done. I am still feeling really good. I have noticed that I get tired a lot easier, but besides that, I feel great.

I went in for my biopsy yesterday, and things seemed to have gone well. I saw the same doctor that I did last week, and he confirmed that he thinks the tumor is benign. He said that he has seen cancer in girls my age before, but none of their tumors looked like mine, and that he has seen tumors like mine before, but none were cancerous. He said that it just has all the hallmark signs of being benign, so that is a relief. The biopsy itself was very easy and painless. It only lasted a couple of minutes and I think that the most painful part was having so much pressure put on my boob (to stop the bleeding) after it was over. I should hopefully get the results on Monday, so then I will know for sure what is going on in there.

The baby preparations are coming along, but it seems like there is still a lot to get done. We need to buy a closet organizer before I can really start putting the nursery together, but at least it is painted and we have a crib. I will post pictures once it gets a little closer to being done. I also still need to buy a car seat and a double stroller. We are planning on having Jumper use the car seat that J has been using, so I just need to buy him a bigger one. I have slowly been buying "girl" items, like clothing, bibs, etc, but there is still a lot to get. I have just been trying to spread it out so that I am not having to pay for it all at once.

I tried to sign up for childbirth class, but the classes are all full! My doctor warned me that they fill up quickly, so I guess it is my own fault. I would have really liked to have taken a class, but I feel like I have a pretty good idea of what to expect. I did a few rotations of labor/delivery when I was in school, plus we saw J's birth, so I know what happens...it is just a matter of it happening to me! I also think it would have been helpful for DH to go to the class, but I think he is a little relieved that he is off the hook.

J is doing so great and is getting SO big. I started taking him to swim lessons this month, and he has absolutely loved it. Granted he is far off from being able to really swim, but I can tell that he is learning things and he just does so well in the water. He has also started crawling and he is always pulling himself up to a standing position and trying to walk. I have a feeling that he will be walking, even if it is just around furniture, by the time Jumper is born. The crawling is already making him so mobile, so I can only imagine how it is going to be when I am trying to keep track of him and care for a new baby. It should make life interesting, but I know that I wouldn't want it any other way.

Oh...and one of the most exciting things is that we are finalizing J's adoption on Monday!!! I am so excited! It kind of seems strange in some ways because he just feels like he is my kid, so why have to go through this process? It will be so nice to have it all taken care of and for him to legally be mine!

Aquarium Visit

I took J to the aquarium with my family on Memorial Day. I had really been hoping to take him to the zoo, but since Utah had a record-breaking rainy May, the weather just wasn't cooperating. Although I think he is still a little young to really enjoy seeing everything, J loved looking at all the brightly colored fish. It was so fun to watch him stare at everything and just soak it all in.

The aquarium had a penguin exhibit, so we decided to compare J to the size of the different penguins. When I tried to show him the penguins that were swimming around, I think he was more interested in the water than in the actual penguins.

They had an area where you could touch some rays that were swimming around. For the most part, it was a little too deep for J to reach, but we were finally able to get one close enough that he was able to touch.

Staring at the fish...J's favorite were definitely the ones that were colorful.

All in all, it was a fun trip. I think that J will really enjoy it once he gets a little older (and we go when it isn't quite as crowded). I still really want to take him to the zoo, so hopefully we will be able to go sometime this month. I have a feeling that he will LOVE watching all the animals.

Precious Moment

As I was snuggling J on the sofa this morning, I could feel Jumper start to move. I don't know if J could feel her or if it was just total coincidence, but he started wiggling down so that his face was closer to my stomach. He then reached out, started touching my belly, and then leaned down and kissed it! I know that he probably isn't old enough to really be doing that consciously and it was probably a coincidence, but it seriously melted my heart. I hope that he feels that way about his sister once she arrives and they grow up together!

Six Month Check-Up

I took J in for his six month check-up yesterday, and he continues to do great! He is still tall and thin. He weighs 15 lbs 9 oz (13th percentile) and is 27.5" long (80th percentile). We have been joking at our house lately that he is training for the NBA because he loves to watch basketball, is so tall, and is always doing this abdominal workout...this kid has some seriously strong stomach muscles!

The pediatrician also cleared J to eat pretty much everything besides honey and whole milk, as long as he can handle the texture. That is great news for us because J absolutely loves to eat and will start trying to grab whatever you are eating away from you. Even if he just sees you put a mint in your mouth, he will start to fuss for it!

The only bad part from the appointment is that I have to take him to see a specialist at the children's hospital because he has a flat head. This is something that we had already noticed and been watching, but the pediatrician said that at this point we need to get it looked at. Depending on what the plastic surgeon says, J may have to wear a helmet for a while! Kind of sad, but I know it is all worth it if it prevents him from having a poorly shaped head when he gets older.

I can't believe how big J is getting and that he is already six months old. He sits up so well and is able to scoot around a little bit, although he doesn't do that too consistently yet. The doctor said that he will probably start crawling and pulling himself up soon, which just seems so crazy. I love watching him grow and learn and it is so fun to see his little personality emerge. I love that he recognizes me and gets excited when he sees me when I have been away for a little while. He is such a sweetheart, and I feel so fortunate to be his mom!

Catching Up!

This post is going to be a bit random...lots of quick updates and thoughts.

First, I finally took a belly pic! I took it on Saturday, so it is me at 23w1d. It was kind of crazy for me to see the picture. Maybe that sounds weird, but sometimes I don't picture myself as being "that pregnant". Like maybe it hasn't sunk in still? Anyway, it is nice to see tangible proof that there really is a baby growing in there!



Mother's Day was amazing and definitely surreal. I had a lot of different thoughts and emotions that day. I feel like I had so much to be thankful for. I am so thankful to have J in my life and the opportunity I have to be his mom. I am also so thankful for Jumper and I can't wait to get to know her and be her mom. I also thought a lot about the past few Mothers Days. As I was sitting in church listening to the speakers talking about motherhood, I remembered all the pain and bitterness that I had felt before...everything that I thought had been buried was brought to the surface again. I almost started to get choked up remembering how hard it was and to feel like such an outsider. I think it made me really appreciate the day and my kids even more. I would like to hope that the pain of infertility will never allow me to take them and being a mom for granted. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real, but I am so thankful every day that it is!

I had my follow-up ultrasound today. This was the one that was scheduled because they weren't able to get all the measurements they needed of Jumper's head last time. This morning, I started to have a little bit of anxiety that something would be wrong...what if Jumper hadn't grown? What if there was no heartbeat? I suppose that the anxiety never goes away completely until the baby is born and is safely in your arms. Anyway, everything looked perfect during the ultrasound! Her growth is right on track and she weighs 1 lb, 5 oz. After the ultrasound, I decided to play a little joke on DH since he couldn't come with me. When I talked to him on the phone, I told DH that during the u/s they found out that Jumper was really a baby boy...not a girl! He totally bought it...he was silent on the other end of the line and then said that he was disappointed. I finally fessed up, but I thought it was a good joke!

I go for my routine appointment on Thursday, so it will be great to check in with Jumper twice this week!

As for the nursery, I ended up buying some bedding that is pink and brown. It is the same brand as J's crib set, so even though it doesn't really match, there are a few things that are similar. I figured that I will use chocolate as the mutual color, but besides that, I probably won't have a theme. I plan on printing some pictures of both kids to frame and hang on the walls, and finding a few other things to decorate. I will be sure to post pictures once I make more progress.

An Elopement and Some Pics

I feel like it has been a while since I had time to post or blog! I will blame it on a combination of having a different work schedule this week and also finally having some beautiful weather to enjoy!

Well, my sister that I referenced a few weeks ago continues to have more drama. She broke off her engagement and got back together with her fiance several more times. Then, a week ago, she told my mom that she was going to run some "errands". My mom had a suspicion that my sister was lying, so she decided to search her room. Good thing she did, because she ended up getting married! My mom found a letter which basically informed the family that she had eloped. When my sister came home that night, my mom asked her about it, but she totally denied it. Finally, my mom got her to admit that they had gotten married the next day, but only because my sister was packing up her stuff to move out. I am glad that hopefully this will make things a little easier for my family and decrease some of the drama, but another part of me worries that this is just the beginning. Only time will tell...

Earlier this week, I invited my sister, mom, and MIL to come with J and me to enjoy something called the "Tulip Festival" which is held every year at a place near us called Thanksgiving Point Gardens. The flowers were beautiful, and everyone had a great time. I loved watching J, because he seemed so interested by everything. He was fascinated by the flowers and the bright colors, and I was able to get some really nice pictures.

Cutting the Apron Strings

When we first adopted J, we weren't really sure what to expect in the way of post-placement communication. When K first decided to place J, she wasn't even aware that open adoption was an option, let alone face-to-face visits or anything like that. DH and I told K that we were flexible and were willing to play things by ear based on what she wanted. We eventually settled into a pattern of me e-mailing her a picture and quick update once a week.

Our communication from K has never been very consistent, but we used to get e-mails from her once or twice a month. However, we haven't heard anything from her since we went to dinner with her over President's Day weekend. I know that is only two months ago, but if you figure that J is only five months old, that is a big chunk of his life! There have been a couple of times when I have asked her specific questions in my e-mails, such as wondering if J's biological dad was tall and thin (like J), but I haven't received a response.

In my last e-mail, I decided to ask K if she is okay with going to monthly e-mails, and I still haven't heard anything from her. It makes me wonder if she is even reading my e-mails anymore. I am glad that she seems to be moving on, but in some ways, it makes me a little sad for J. I feel bad that there will only be a little bit of information about K that we will be able to share with him, and that if things keep going the way they are, that he will never be able to meet her in person. At first I thought I would be grateful for a more closed adoption, but now I worry because I don't want J to feel bad about anything. I know that it will be up to DH and me to teach him about how he came to be part of our family, how much K loved him, and how special he is to us...I just feel bad that I don't think K will be as big of a part of that as I had originally thought.

Feeling Overwhelmed

I have been debating over the past few days whether I wanted to write this post. I REALLY do not want to come across as being ungrateful, complaining, or selfish or anything like that, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I don't want to offend anyone by sharing my feelings, but at the same time, this is my blog, and I should be able to post what I want. With that said, please feel free to skip this post if you are having a hard time right now.

I have been feeling really overwhelmed for the past week or so. I feel like I need a break. I am sure that it is a combination of a lot of things...lack of a good night's sleep, pregnancy fatigue, all of the changes that are going on...it makes for a lot of stress! The thing is, I feel SO GUILTY about feeling overwhelmed, and that makes it even worse. All along, I have always said that I would be so grateful for the chance to be a mom or be pregnant, and that I wouldn't complain about it. It was like because it was something I wanted so badly for so long, I didn't have a right to complain. Now, I feel like it is hard for me to admit any fears or frustrations that I do have.

I love J so much, and I absolutely love and adore being his mom. I am so grateful that he was sent to our family. But I feel like I need a day off. I want a night when I can sleep through the night, sleep in, and then spend the entire day doing fun things that I want to do, while not worrying about if J needs me and knowing that someone else is taking good care of him. I love my days home with J, but man, it is hard work! I am sure that being pregnant doesn't make taking care of a baby any easier.

I am so excited to meet this new baby, but I am also terrified for what changes September is going to bring. I worry about adjusting from one baby to two, and how that is even going to work. I know that there are plenty of other people out there who do it everyday, but it still seems so overwhelming at times. I worry about how much time work will let me take off - I already took 9 weeks of FMLA when we adopted J. I also worry about being able to afford taking time off work. I used up all of my PTO and most of my sick time when I was home with J. I worry about childcare, especially if my sister decides that taking care of two babies is much more than she bargained for. I could always take the kids to the daycare at my work, but that is much more expensive than paying my sister. We are trying to save as much money as we can right now so that our savings will be a little more padded in the fall, but then that makes me feel guilty for spending money on myself for things that I need, like maternity clothes.

All of these worries and emotions just pile on together to where I feel like I just need a break. I need to take a deep breath and tell myself that things are going to be okay. I am trying to hard to enjoy this stage of my life, but it can be hard to just let go of all the worries. I know that part of it is also the weather. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I hate winter, and we have had so much snow lately! It has been to the point that I have looked for other jobs and houses across the country so that I can get away from these Utah winters.

I know that once I see that new baby and have both Jumper and J in my arms, it will all be worth it and that things WILL turn out...it is just getting there.

We Have Movement!

I started feeling Jumper move last week, and it has been the coolest feeling! At first I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling, but the more I have felt it, the more confident I am. Sometimes the movement feels like a light tickling sensation, other times it feels more like light tapping. I love feeling Jumper because it reminds me that there really is a baby in there, and that baby is alive and growing! I am excited for when DH will be able to feel Jumper move...I am sure it will mean a lot to him.

I was thinking that it is getting to where I should post a belly shot, but sometimes I think I just look more fat than pregnant. My sister assures me that is not the case, but I guess I just feel really self conscious. I am really excited to look pregnant and not just like I have grown a gut. I think that part of the problem is that I am not quite fitting into maternity clothes, but am definitely outgrowing normal shirts. I feel like I have been in this in-between phase for a long time.

Besides that, things are pretty much the same with us. J is doing great. He loves his baby food and he is becoming so much more mobile. He has been rolling a lot more and is getting really good at moving himself around in his baby walker. I just can't believe how big he is getting!

4 Month Check-Up

I took J in for his 4 month check-up with the pediatrician yesterday, and everything went really well! He is still definitely tall and skinny. He is in the 75th percentile for his height, but only the 11th for his weight. The doctor said he isn't concerned about his weight because he has grown since his last check-up, but he did ask us if we knew anything about J's biological father. His thoughts right now is that J probably just inherited being tall and thin. We don't know anything about J's biological father. I have been thinking that I would ask K about it, but I get a little nervous since she hasn't shared anything at all about him with us. But I figured if I present it as the doctor wanting to know, it shouldn't be too bad.

Another good thing from the appointment is that the pediatrician said we could skip rice cereal and go straight to baby food. Apparently there are new guidelines from the American Academy of Pediatrics that discourage rice cereal because it has no nutritional value. I was so relieved since J has hated rice cereal, but has really liked baby food. Hopefully eating baby food more will help him gain some weight!

Besides that, not much is new with me. I have enjoyed having my news be public, but I have heard a lot of "that always happens when you adopt" or "and you thought you could never get pregnant" comments from people that I talk to. I have started just saying things like "That is what I hear" or "That's what people tell me" rather than going into all the details. I know they are just excited, but it still gets old and frustrating.

Rice Cereal

We decided that it was time for J to try rice cereal. He has definitely been very interested in food lately. If he sees someone eating, he instantly becomes interested in them and will try and find ways to taste whatever it is, even if it is just sucking on your finger. If he is taking his bottle and sees someone eating, he looses interest in the bottle. We figured that since he is about four months old, can sit up in his high chair, and is obviously interested in eating, it was time to introduce rice cereal.

J did really well at taking the spoon and swallowing the cereal, but he appears to be very disgusted by the taste.


As you can see from this picture, he started pulling some faces. He would still open his mouth to take more, but as soon as he realized the taste, he would look disgusted.

Today, I tried mixing a little bit of apple juice in with the rice cereal to see if that would help improve the flavor, but he still was not going for it. Hopefully we will be able to move on to baby food soon and he will find that to be a little more appealing!

13 Weeks!...and Sleepless Nights

As of today, I am officially 13 weeks pg! It feels SO good to have made it this far and to be moving into the second trimester. I will not complain about leaving those first trimester symptoms behind! :)

So far, things seem to still be going well. I had to buy one of those belly bands because I only have one or two pairs of pants that will still button comfortably. I also noticed that many of my shirts have been starting to get snug. My friend recommended just ordering some shirts in a size bigger than what I normally wear, and that should tide me over until I am ready for maternity shirts. Silly me, I decided to just order some shirts and another pair of jeans from an online sale. I figured that since I was familiar with that brand of clothing and I was ordering a size that had always been too big, that I should be okay. Well, the clothes came in the mail, and the shirts either fit perfectly or on the verge of being too small! I won't get as much wear out of them as I had hoped. The jeans that I ordered fit perfectly around the waist, but are huge everywhere else. I am definitely NOT complaining because it is nice to know that the baby is growing, but I guess I didn't realize that I had grown that much.

Baby J is as cute as ever...I can't believe he is almost 4 months old! He is such a happy little guy. He recently discovered his feet, and he loves to play with them and roll over. I am pretty sure that he must be going through a growth spurt, though. He has been eating a ton more, plus he is no longer sleeping through the night. Before he would either sleep through the night, or at least sleep until 5:00 or 6:00, but go back to sleep as soon as he ate. Now, he gets up around 2:00 and will usually go back to sleep if you give him a pacifier. He then wakes up around 4:00 to eat, and then goes back to sleep. I know that isn't that bad, but it does make it hard when you are already so tired to begin with. DH is great at taking turns with me to get up with him, but I am looking forward to when he is sleeping for longer stretches again.

Ultrasound and Dinner

I had the ultrasound for my integrated screening done on Thursday, and everything looked great! It was so great to see Jumper again. He/she seemed to be so much bigger in just the past week. We were able to get some really good profile pictures and also one where you could see Jumper's fingers. It really helped to make things seem more real and I am starting to realize more and more that this is actually happening and there is a baby growing inside of me.

I am starting to feel more comfortable with sharing the news...at least slowly. This has been a blessing for my mom and MIL because they have been bursting at the seams waiting to share. They admitted to me that they had shared it already with a few people, so I have learned that I better not share any news with them until I am ready for it to go public. I know that I am not ready to make the news official on FB or our family blog, but I don't know that I will purposefully hide it as much. There is some comfort in the fact that my mom and I have the same condition, and she never had a m/c this late. Hopefully this means that my risk is back to a normal level and things will keep progressing well.

Last night, DH, J, and I met up with K (J's birthmom) and her fiance for dinner. It was good to see her, catch up, and get to know her fiance. The dinner went really well. DH and I weren't too nervous to meet, but part of me did wonder if there would be any awkwardness. The conversation seemed to flow really well. It wasn't like we stayed and talked for a long time after dinner was over, but we still had things to talk about. K held J, and afterword, she said that she did not feel a connection to him like he was her son. Even though she still loves him, I think that seeing J with us helped cement in her mind that she made the right decision. That was a relief for me...I was a little nervous that seeing J might make things harder on K, but from what I could tell, it seemed to help. I am not sure how if/when K will want to see J again, but we told her that we are open to another meeting and would let K make that decision. K also brought gifts for us, which kind of took us by surprise, since we didn't bring anything for her. She gave J a "Curious George" book and stuffed animal, and then she gave DH and me life history journals and wrote us each really nice notes. We plan to give K a gift for mother's day, and I am sure we will at least send her a card or small gift when she gets married.

Anyway, that is all for now. I am looking forward to enjoying my long weekend with DH and J tomorrow...should be nice!

J's Birthmom

When asked about our adoption, it seems that most of the questions have to do with J's birthmom, K. People wonder what she is like, how often we communicate with her, and how willing we are to have her in our lives (and J's) in the future. So, without going into too many personal details about K, I thought that I would answer some of our most commonly asked questions.

What is K Like/How Old is She/etc.?
K was 32 years old when J was born. She has two other children, and knew that she was not in a situation to be able to take care of an unplanned baby. She seems to be very kind and I believe that she has a very good heart. K has long, thick, curly, dark brown hair and green eyes.

How Often Do You Communicate?
Right now, we e-mail K once a week, and the e-mail includes a picture of J. I anticipate that we won't e-mail as often in the future, but we have told K that we are willing to go at her pace. In a way, it has been nice because it has made us take more pictures of J than we probably would have otherwise, plus the e-mails help us document his weekly changes. We also text occasionally.

How Do You Think K is Doing?
From what I can tell, K has her good days and her bad days. She occasionally will e-mail us back and will sometimes text me. She has told us about plans to go back to school, hobbies, and other things she does to keep herself busy. I think that there are definitely still hard days - she still loves J, and I doubt that ever goes away. However, she has told us several times that she does not regret her decision and she is very glad that J is part of our family.

How Will We Tell J about K?
We don't plan to keep adoption a secret from J. We plan to start reading him children adoption books when he is able to understand what he is hearing. K also has given J a few things, such as a book, stuffed animal, and a letter. We want J to know that he came to our family in a very special way, that it is nothing to be ashamed of, and the role that K played.

Will J ever meet K?
Yes! We are actually going to dinner with her this Saturday. When we first started the adoption journey, it seemed to strange to DH and me that we would have a relationship with our birthmom. We thought that it would be too intrusive and worried that she would try to take a place as a second mom. As we moved further and further into the process, and especially now that we have J and know K, we don't feel that way at all. There have been some people that have expressed their concern or that they just don't really agree with our decision. We have tried to explain that we are doing what we think is best for J and our family. We obviously would not agree to meet with K if we felt that it was not a good thing. We feel comfortable with K and we think it is important for us to have a positive relationship with her. Also, if seeing J occasionally is something that will help K heal and move on, then why would we want to stop that?

It has been interesting to here all of the different opinions that are out there about adoption, especially with how domestic adoptions have become so much more open. One thing that I have learned is to keep an open mind and to take people's thoughts and opinions with a grain of salt. As with any situation involving you and your family, you have to do what is best for YOU, and not what your family/friends/random people think is best. :)

Never Been Here Before!

Well folks, I have officially made it past my "farthest along I've ever been" date. It feels good to have officially made it to 10 weeks, but I am still pretty nervous for next week's ultrasound. I don't feel like any of my pg symptoms have let up, but I am still nervous that I will get bad news at my appointment. This whole experience seems surreal and like it is too good to be true. Sometimes I have these thoughts of "Is there really a baby inside of me"? I hear that is pretty normal, and to be honest, I don't know when they will go away. Maybe once I start having a belly or feeling the baby move? I went to lunch with a good friend yesterday who is pg after IF. She is 18 weeks along, and she talked about how she still has doubts that things are turning out, so I guess this is just what IF does to you.

I was finally able to get in touch with my genetic counselor earlier this week. She said that based on my mom's history (she has the same chromosome issue as me), that she DOES NOT think that our baby is at increased risk for birth defects. That is what her partner had mentioned when we met with her last August, but it was still good to hear again. We decided to schedule one test (I don't remember what it is called), but it will give me an extra ultrasound, which I am definitely happy about.

In other news, we finally have a court date set to finalize J's adoption! It isn't until June 27, so we still have a while to wait, but I am so excited to have something on the calendar.

Update on Baby J

I can't believe how big J is getting! He is such a fun and sweet little guy...I am so grateful to be his mom! We moved J into his own room on Saturday. Up until then, he had been sleeping in our room in a bassinet. We decided that all three of us would sleep better if he moved into his own crib in his own room, and so far he has done great! I love waking up in the morning to hear him cooing over the baby monitor.

DH and I took J in for his scheduled well-baby appointment this afternoon. We were a little nervous about how he would do, since this is the appointment where they get a bunch of vaccinations. Our little guy did great! He currently weighs 11 lbs, 15 oz (34 percentile), is 24.25" long (77 percentile), and has a head circumference of 40.5cm (44 percentile). So basically, we have a long and lean little boy! When it was time for his vaccinations, they gave him one oral medication and three shots. He started crying with the shots, but he seriously stopped as soon as I picked him up. The nurse was surprised at how mellow he was...what kid does that? He was back to normal by the time we left the office. I am so grateful to have such a happy baby, but it does make me nervous that the next one will be a terror! :)