Friday, November 26, 2010

Freaks of Nature

One of my friends who battled IF before getting pg with triplets posted this on FB. I thought it was pretty funny and decided to I think that they need to make one about adoption! Enjoy!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Two Weeks

Things are going well! DH went back to work yesterday, so this has been my first few days home alone with J. Overall, it hasn't been too crazy; we are just trying to get into a good routine that will still allow me to get stuff done at home and get a little sleep! :)

I took J to his two week appointment yesterday, and he is already up to 8 lbs 6 oz. He is still 20.5" long, but the doctor said that is normal. J is becoming so much more alert, and it is fun to interact and play with him.

One of the things that I have been struggling with lately is finding a good balance between talking about J and being excited about being a mom compared with being sensitive to friends who have IF. I have one friend in particular, C, who this is especially difficult. C is very private, but a few months ago, she slowly started confiding in me more and more about how she and her husband have been trying to get pg for about a year and a half. The thing is though, C hasn't gone to the doctor to try and figure out what is going on, and I get the impression that she is not in a hurry to make an appointment. Before we found out about J, it was becoming easier for her to talk about IF with me. Now, it is uncomfortable to be around her. I have hung out with her twice, and both times she hardly talks. All she does is play games on her phone and look miserable. Other people have noticed this, so I know it is not just me. After the first time, I sent her a text saying that I know it is hard to be around baby stuff and I appreciated her friendship and support. She responded that this has been harder than she thought it would be, but she was happy for me. I want to be supportive of her because I DO know how hard it can be, but at the same time, I get frustrated because I don't think that she is doing anything to fix her situation. I also struggle with wanting to post things on fb or my family blog, but then I remember how bad it sucks to be on the other end and always have baby things flashed in your face. I suppose I am just trying to find a good balance so that I am not hurting anyone, while still enjoying J and being a mom.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Life is Good!

Wow, it has been a REALLY long time since I have blogged. I feel bad that I am so out of the loop with what is going on with everyone...hopefully I will have a chance to start catching up soon.

Things are going really well with our new little family. I think that it is finally starting to sink in that I am a mom. Sometimes it doesn't seem real, but there are other times when I definitely feel it, and it is amazing! I will admit that this has been a gradual process. So many people told me that I would feel this instant connection the first time I held J. I guess I did, but not to the level that I was expecting. I would say that the bond has been growing slowly, and I feel it more each day. Like I said, I feel like motherhood is still sinking in, so I am guessing that is part of it.

We have been getting into a good routine, and J is done with the lights. Both of these things are a huge blessing, because it means that I get to interact with him more and he is sleeping better at night. It also seems like J has grown so much already...he goes in for his first 2 week appointment on Monday, so I guess I will find out exactly how much then.

Also, thank you so much to everyone for the support that you have given me, especially over the past few weeks. It has meant SO much to me. I am hoping that I can soon start to get updated on what is going on with everyone else, and I can start returning the favor.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Introducing...Baby J!

Baby J was born November 8, weighed 7lb 15oz, and is 20.5 inches long!

We got the call that the birth mom, K, was in labor at 1:40 on Monday morning. Our case worker told us that K wanted us to come to the hospital, so we grabbed our stuff and left. When we got to the hospital, we visited with K and her mom for a few minutes, and then hung out in the waiting room. Shortly before K was ready to start pushing, her mom came out and told us that if we were comfortable with it, we were invited to come into the delivery room. We were so grateful to get that opportunity! We were also able to meet two of K's sisters and her BIL, so it was neat for us to get to know more of her family.

Once J was born, I was able to cut the umbilical cord. K wanted us to be as involved with him as we could, so we were there when he was getting cleaned up, and then I was the first one to hold him, give him his bottle, and his first bath. K also wanted us to room in at the hospital, so we were able to have our own room and have J stay with us.

K and her mom came down to see J on Monday night. My FIL and his wife happened to be there at the same time, so I think it was good for K to see that baby J already has so many family members that love him.

K wanted to sign the relinquishment papers as soon as possible, which is 24* after delivery in Utah. Shortly before signing, she and her mom came down to our room again to hold J. I am so glad that we were able to spend a little bit of time with her in the hospital. I honestly have so much love and respect for K. She is such an amazing person!
We spent 48* in the hospital with J before he was discharged...meaning we just got home with him this afternoon. The only eventful thing that has happened is that his bilirubin level started to increase, so he had to come home with the bilirubin lights. It stinks that we have to keep him on them for so long, because then I can't hold him as much as I want!

I think that it is finally starting to sink in that I am a mom and DH is a dad. Part of it still seems like a dream that is just too good to be true. It is hard to believe that it REALLY just seems so surreal. DH and I love J so much already, and that bond just continues to grow stronger.

The hospital where J was born does newborn photography for all the new babies. When we first heard about it, we didn't think that we would end up wanting to buy any of the pictures, but they did such a good job, we just couldn't resist!

Monday, November 8, 2010

He's Here!

He's here, and he's beautiful! More information to come!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Nothing Yet

We are still waiting for our little guy to arrive. I am hoping that our BM will be induced tomorrow after her appointment, but we'll see. It is crazy to think that this will *hopefully* be our last child-free weekend. On Friday, DH and I went out for a little date night (dinner at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants, and then went to see "Social Network". I feel like we are as ready as we will ever be!

I am so excited for this to happen, but I will admit that there are times when I get a little freaked out. It isn't that I am freaked out to be a mom, it is more being nervous that I could get hurt. I think that when you have been dealing with IF, you learn to put up walls so that you can protect yourself. For example, a BFP doesn't automatically equal happiness: even though you are happy and excited, you are terrified about losing the baby. That is how I feel now. I am so excited to be a mom, for DH to be a dad, and for us to continue on this journey together. But, there is one part of me that says "Remember how IF screwed you over?? What makes you think that this will be any different? If you don't get excited, it won't hurt as bad if it doesn't work out". So, even though our BM seems to be pretty committed to this adoption, there is a small part of me that is holding back. I just don't want to get hurt again. Hopefully once she goes into labor and things are moving forward, I can feel more at peace and realize that this really is happening.

On a side note, some of the things that people say when they learn that I am adopting. I have heard plenty of the usual comments, such as "You are lucky because_____". These comments usually end with statements such as: you don't have to go through labor, you can fit in your pre-baby clothes without any effort, or you won't need to worry about recovering from pregnancy while taking care of your baby. I know that these comments are all well-meaning, but I don't think that people realize I would have gladly experienced any of those things. However, the winner of the inappropriate comment goes to one of my coworkers. She came into my office to tell me congratulations about the upcoming adoption, and she said "You know, I think I kind of know how you feel about infertility, but my problem was the opposite. Instead of not being able to have kids, I was too fertile. I got pregnant a couple times while I was on birth control. So even though I wouldn't say that my kids weren't unwanted, they weren't planned". Umm..okay? All I could do was stare at her and try to think of something to say. I'm sorry, about someone that is too fertile CANNOT know what it is like to be infertile! End of story!!!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Still Waiting...

Not much has happened over the past few days, other than we are still waiting for our BM to go into labor. She went to the doctor yesterday, and I guess her OB stripped her membranes. If she doesn't go into labor over the weekend, she is supposed to go back on Monday, and she will probably be induced. I am so anxious to meet this little guy, so I am hoping that I don't have to wait until next week! Her official due date is today, so we'll see what happens.

I think that I am as ready as I can be for this baby, given the short notice. I think that we have all of the essentials, but who knows...I have never had to take care of a baby before! Everyone has told us not to buy a ton of stuff because babies don't need a lot, plus we will have showers after he is here, but I still wonder what I am missing.

During this past week, it has been so amazing to see the generosity of family and friends. We have had people leave us baby clothes on our porch, someone gave us a glider for free...just things like that. It is nice to feel so loved and supported during this time!