Reoccuring Dream

I have had this dream a couple of times, and it is really kind of weird. Each time I have it, it is pretty much the same, but a few details will be different (i.e. the setting, etc). So here is the storyline of the dream:

Someone comes and tells me that my baby has been born. In my dream, I had a baby by using a surrogate with my eggs and my BIL's sperm. The surrogate was my SIL. This is very strange to me because I don't have a problem carrying a baby, I just have bad eggs. Plus, DH's sperm are great, and if we did ever use a donor/surrogate, I really doubt it would be a family member, especially not my BIL and SIL. So anyway, I will go to the area where the baby is and want to see her (it is always a girl), but am told that I have to wait outside because my BIL and SIL are bonding with the baby and everyone else in the family gets to see her first. As family members leave the room, they tell me how beautiful and precious my baby is. I start getting frustrated that I am the last one to see MY baby, and then finally they bring her out to me. Once I finally get to hold her, my heart just melts. She is a beautiful baby, but there is a bit of sadness that we used a surrogate and donor sperm. As I am holding her, she starts to get hungry, so I ask for a bottle. When she doesn't immediately take to it, my SIL makes a snarky comment about how at least she can breastfeed. Next thing I know, the baby is taken away from me so that she can be breastfed, and I am left with empty arms, wondering why I don't get to be with my own baby. Then I wake up.

Isn't that the weirdest dream? What is so strange to me is that I have had it on more than one occasion, and it is always so vivid. I can remember the specific people that are in it, the feelings, everything.

Also - an update with my sister. I was planning on writing her a nice e-mail, but I just haven't been able to do it yet. I keep seeing the things she posts and hearing about the things she is saying to my family members. At this point, I don't want to say anything nice to her. I want to make her see that she is bringing this on herself, but I know there is not a way to do that right now. She went and saw her therapist yesterday, and apparently she is going to start taking her meds again, so we'll see. At this point, I feel like I just need to keep my distance before I say anything I might regret.

The Letter From my Sister...

So this is the message that I received from my 18 year old sister yesterday. She also sent it to our two sisters and brother.

"I have decided since you all are against me- and you know you are or else you would not treat me like "crap" to put it VERY lightly; that you all are NOT invited to my wedding, and I want nothing to do with any of you once I am married, because if you really did care about me like how you care for each other (except for me- your freakin sister) then i wouldnt hate you all and wish you were all were never born- like how i know you all wish i was never born because lets face it according to the your "perfect" world i am the "Black sheep" in the family. you are all no longer considered my family UNTIL you can start treating me like i am part of it. For example- the day of my graduation dinner you all ignored me, that is not ok. you all got pissy with me, but when we were at b's freakin graduation dinner everyone was swarming her with attention. you see i feel like i have had to raise myself growing up, and you all have found stupid ways to get my into trouble. honestly i wish i could tell you how i really feel about you, but if i did you all would surely tell your parents about what i said and then i would be homeless, dont ever talk to me again! until like i stated above you can start treating me like part of the family, which knowing all of you wont ever happen, i hope you are happy with what you have done."

To be honest, this letter isn't too upsetting to me. I haven't responded to her yet and I really don't have any plans to right now. What upsets me the most is that she and her bf/fiance are posting things like this on their fb walls. I hate seeing my family thrown under the bus, but I don't know what to say/do. I am worried that anything I say or write will end up causing more problems.