Checking In

Well, I kind of feel like I have fallen off the face of the earth. I have been super busy keeping up with these cute kiddos:

I'm not sure if anyone reads my blog anymore, but I wanted to do a quick check-in. I apologize in advance that this is going to be a bit choppy, but bear with me.

Honestly, the days are just flying by. Add to it that I have been trying to work a little bit from home while on maternity leave (since I used up all my FMLA when J was born), and by the time I have any spare time, all I want to do is sleep. But, I wouldn't change a minute of it. I am so in LOVE with these little kids.

J is almost one and A is already seven weeks old...where has the time gone? I have started planning a little family birthday party for J, and I am super excited. I am planning a Mickey Mouse themed party, since he loves to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse in the morning and he gets a huge smile on his face whenever he sees Mickey.

I will be going back to work pretty soon, and even though it is just a few days a week, I am still not looking forward to it. I have really enjoyed the time I have had with them.

It is looking like I have a fertile sister, and of course it would be the one who is only 20 and in a super unstable marriage - they are always talking about leaving each other. Apparently she wasn't taking any BCP because she was afraid that they would make her infertile, but her husband didn't know that. When he found out she was KU, he wanted her to get an abortion, but at least she has refused to do so. She is only 6 or 7 weeks along, so it is super early, but still...out of all the people to get pg, it would be her, who can hardly even take care of herself! It is just frustrating.

So, as evidenced by my lack of posting, it seems like my blogging time has been drastically cut. I really don't want to stop hearing about what is going on with everyone and lose touch with all of my blogging buddies. However, I kind of feel like I don't totally fit in with this community as much. Even though I will always be infertile, I don't know that I will blog as much about it for a while since DH and I will not be TTC for at least two or three years. So, I would like to invite anyone that still reads this and is interested to come follow me over on our family blog: mikeandlisafamily.blogspot.com. I hope that if I am only focusing on one blog, it will be easier to keep it updated and stay current on what is going on with everyone. I don't plan to leave this blog completely, but at the same time, I don't know how often I will post on it. All I ask is that if you do choose to visit my family blog, that you don't mention this one, since I haven't shared it with my IRL friends and family.

I hope that everyone is doing well, and hopefully I will be able to catch up with you soon!

J's New Cousin

My SIL gave birth to a healthy baby girl last night. This is their second child and also my second niece. It is good to say that I am so happy and excited for them!

When DH told me that she had gone into labor yesterday, I thought a lot about how I felt the last time she had a baby. We were TTC and my m/c had been a few months earlier. I remember feeling devastated that I wasn't pg again...I was so sure that I would be by the time her shower came around, and if not then, at least by the time their baby was born. When their daughter was born a few years ago, I remember that I was at work, and I just started crying at my desk. Even though I was happy for them, it hurt so badly and I knew that I was so jealous of them and what I was missing out on. I hated having to "fake" it in front of everyone.

It feels good to have been able to move beyond that place; granted, I realize that I probably wouldn't be at the point I am now if it weren't for having J or Jumper. I think it is true that nothing will help you move beyond the pain of IF until you have your own child or can truly get to a point where you want to live child free. IF has been such a hard ride, but as I have said before, I know that I have learned so much from it and I also know that it has brought me so much closer to DH. Now, I have to admit that I probably wouldn't want it any other way, otherwise I probably wouldn't have J and I can't imagine life without him!

Aquarium Visit

I took J to the aquarium with my family on Memorial Day. I had really been hoping to take him to the zoo, but since Utah had a record-breaking rainy May, the weather just wasn't cooperating. Although I think he is still a little young to really enjoy seeing everything, J loved looking at all the brightly colored fish. It was so fun to watch him stare at everything and just soak it all in.

The aquarium had a penguin exhibit, so we decided to compare J to the size of the different penguins. When I tried to show him the penguins that were swimming around, I think he was more interested in the water than in the actual penguins.

They had an area where you could touch some rays that were swimming around. For the most part, it was a little too deep for J to reach, but we were finally able to get one close enough that he was able to touch.

Staring at the fish...J's favorite were definitely the ones that were colorful.

All in all, it was a fun trip. I think that J will really enjoy it once he gets a little older (and we go when it isn't quite as crowded). I still really want to take him to the zoo, so hopefully we will be able to go sometime this month. I have a feeling that he will LOVE watching all the animals.

An Elopement and Some Pics

I feel like it has been a while since I had time to post or blog! I will blame it on a combination of having a different work schedule this week and also finally having some beautiful weather to enjoy!

Well, my sister that I referenced a few weeks ago continues to have more drama. She broke off her engagement and got back together with her fiance several more times. Then, a week ago, she told my mom that she was going to run some "errands". My mom had a suspicion that my sister was lying, so she decided to search her room. Good thing she did, because she ended up getting married! My mom found a letter which basically informed the family that she had eloped. When my sister came home that night, my mom asked her about it, but she totally denied it. Finally, my mom got her to admit that they had gotten married the next day, but only because my sister was packing up her stuff to move out. I am glad that hopefully this will make things a little easier for my family and decrease some of the drama, but another part of me worries that this is just the beginning. Only time will tell...

Earlier this week, I invited my sister, mom, and MIL to come with J and me to enjoy something called the "Tulip Festival" which is held every year at a place near us called Thanksgiving Point Gardens. The flowers were beautiful, and everyone had a great time. I loved watching J, because he seemed so interested by everything. He was fascinated by the flowers and the bright colors, and I was able to get some really nice pictures.

Easter Weekend

We were able to get away for a little while over Easter weekend, and it was SO nice to enjoy some warmer temperatures and sunshine. My FIL and his wife invited us, DH's brother's family, and step-siblings to come down to southern Utah for the weekend. Having that many people around made things a little chaotic, but it was still good to get away.

Most of the activities that were planned were geared more towards the older kids, so on Saturday, we decided to take a driving tour of Zion's National Park. I was a little nervous about how J would do in the car because it ended up being quite a bit of driving, but he did great. He absolutely loved being outside and looking around.

Random Thoughts

I feel like I haven't been the best blogger lately. I think it is probably a combination of not really having anything new to say, but also just being tired and not being online as much.

Things are still going well with the pregnancy. My biggest complaint right now is being tired, but that is definitely manageable. I can't believe that I am almost to 17 weeks! In some ways it seems like time has gone by slowly, but in others, I feel like it is going so fast! I know that September will be here before I know it. I don't think that it has completely kicked in yet that I am pregnant. I thought that it would once I started to get a belly or tell people, but it still seems surreal. Maybe once we find out what we are having or I feel the baby move regularly? Or once I really have to stop wearing my normal clothes? I am so grateful for this opportunity and I want to just soak it in and take advantage of it, but that is easier said than done when it doesn't even feel completely real. Maybe that sounds crazy, but that is my experience right now.

In other happenings, I am having a really hard time with one of my sisters right now. I have posted about her before...you can check them out here and here. Long story short, my sister (K) has a long history of being manipulative, lying, and stealing from my family. She has some mental health issues which are a huge contributor to these problems. She was engaged, but her fiance broke it off last week - most likely due to her lying and some other issues. Don't get me wrong, I am SO glad that she is not getting married; she just isn't ready at all, but I hate how my parents are responding. She has been able to manipulate the situation and take advantage of my parents. K's fiance had bought her a cell phone, car, and a puppy, and he took back all three once the wedding was off. I hate seeing how my parents (especially my mom) are willing to drop everything so that she has what she "needs", even though there are several very good reasons they had restricted those things before she even got engaged! I hate hearing how frustrated my siblings are that live at home because of what K puts them through. For example, my younger brother repeatedly asks me if he can move in with us, even if it means sleeping in our unfinished basement! Basically, I am just sick of seeing my family be taken advantage of because they can't tell K "no". I feel bad because I am the sibling that K gets along with best, but I am at the point of not even wanting to go to my family's house for fear that I will say something I will regret. I don't know what to do about the situation and I am not expecting anyone else to know either; I just needed a place to vent without having to worry about upsetting my family.

OB Appointment

I had another OB appointment today, and things went great! I will admit it was a little strange to be going in and not having an u/s and being able to see Jumper, but I guess that it just a sign that things are progressing well. Like I said, the appointment went well. I was able to hear Jumper's heartbeat, and it was hovering right around 160 bpm. There was also another sound that we could hear through the doppler, and my OB said that is the sound of the baby moving. She said that based on the heartbeat, movement, and my measurements, it looks like things are right on track and everything looks great! One thing that did surprise me, though, is that I have apparently lost a pound since my last appointment...which means I am probably down about 4-5 pounds or so since getting pg. She didn't seem concerned about it yet, especially since I am just starting to get my appetite back within the past few weeks. I definitely don't feel like I have lost weight...some days I feel like I am running out of normal clothes to wear!

After my appointment, I decided to make the pregnancy news public via fb and our family blog. It seems like I am pretty much the only one out of my immediate family and DH who has been holding the news back. So far, I am pleasantly surprised to report that I haven't received any "that's what happens when you adopt" comments yet. It feels good to be 'out of the closet' and freely sharing the news!

Spreading the News

DH and I have slowly started spreading the news. I still want to keep it pretty quiet, but since we have seen a heartbeat, DH isn't too concerned about keeping it to ourselves.

Prior to my ultrasound, I told my two closest friends and my boss. I told my friends so that I would have someone IRL to talk to in case things didn't go well, and I told my boss in case I needed to take a few more days off of work, even though I was just barely back from my maternity leave. I told everyone to keep it quiet, with the exception of my friends being able to tell their husbands. I had also told my sister that is living with us, since that would have been kind of hard to keep quiet.

Anyway, the day after our u/s, my FIL came over to bring us dinner and play with J. We had our u/s picture hanging up on the magnet board, and I forgot to take it down before he came over. He didn't notice it up there, so DH asked me if it would be okay to tell his dad since he was already over there. I agreed, so now my FIL and his wife know...they are both super excited and have agreed to not tell anyone else. I figure that since my FIL knows, my parents and my MIL have a right to know as well. After all, if I had a m/c at this point, we would tell them anyway, right? It is my mom's 50th birthday this week, so we plan to tell her when we get together to celebrate her birthday. We also have a family dinner on Sunday with my MIL, so I think we will tell her then. At that point, I will be at 8 weeks...it is earlier than I was originally planning to share, but I think I am okay with it.

However, I have one concern...my SIL just had a m/c last week. Both of my SIL announced that they were pg on Christmas: one is with her second baby, and the other is an oops pg with her boyfriend. It is the SIL with the oops pg who had the m/c. She has said that she knows it is for the best because she wasn't ready to care for a baby and was actually considering adoption, but I know it is still hard on her. Our due dates would have been within days of each other, so I want to be empathetic to her feelings and not make her feel worse.

As for telling friends...DH and I spend a lot of time with a group of friends, which consists of four other couples. Two couples had babies last year after getting KU really easily, one couple has been TTC for almost 2 years (has yet to go to the Dr. to find out what is going on), and the other couple just found out they are having twins. So right now, there is just the one couple that doesn't have kids or have a baby on the way. Two of the couples were the ones that I had told about being pg prior to the u/s. When we were hanging out with our friends over the weekend, one of the guys accidentally outed us to one of the couples that didn't know. So, the only other couple in our group of friends that doesn't know is the one that has been having a hard time TTC. I have been really reluctant to tell her (C), because I have a feeling that she is going to take it really hard. She still hasn't really started talking to me again since we adopted J. I feel like I need to tell her so that she doesn't feel bad for being the only one that doesn't know, but I am just worried how she will take the news. I don't necessarily want to wait until I am in my second trimester, only for her to find out that everyone else knew weeks ago. I think it is better to just get it over with; I would want to know if the situation were reversed. I can understand how hard it is to be in that situation, but at the same time, we all get frustrated with her because she won't go to the doctor.

Anyway, I think that is all that is new with me right now. I am still feeling the first tri symptoms, but in a way, they are reassuring to me. Baby J is doing great - I will need to post some updated pictures - and I love being able to spend time with him.

Quick Update

First, thank you so much to everyone for your encouraging words. It helps a lot to remember that I am not alone and that there are others who are experiencing the same emotions as me!

Things are going well. The doctor's office contacted me yesterday to say that they think my numbers look great, and I scheduled an ultrasound for next Tuesday...so hopefully in one week, we will get to see a heartbeat! This morning, my doctor called me to say that he has been reviewing my chart and was excited to hear that I am pregnant. He said that if we see a heartbeat next week, that should hopefully be a good sign that the baby is growing and won't be affected by the chromosome insertion, although he can't say for certain. It meant a lot to me that my doctor would call me himself.

This past weekend was very nice and relaxing. We headed down to St. George to spend some time with family for the new year weekend. My FIL and his wife were there, and they absolutely doted over J. The weekend was very mellow and low-key, but I think it was just what I needed to take my mind off of things. Although I don't feel totally confident that things are going to work out, I definitely feel less paranoid.

Introducing...Baby J!

Baby J was born November 8, weighed 7lb 15oz, and is 20.5 inches long!

We got the call that the birth mom, K, was in labor at 1:40 on Monday morning. Our case worker told us that K wanted us to come to the hospital, so we grabbed our stuff and left. When we got to the hospital, we visited with K and her mom for a few minutes, and then hung out in the waiting room. Shortly before K was ready to start pushing, her mom came out and told us that if we were comfortable with it, we were invited to come into the delivery room. We were so grateful to get that opportunity! We were also able to meet two of K's sisters and her BIL, so it was neat for us to get to know more of her family.

Once J was born, I was able to cut the umbilical cord. K wanted us to be as involved with him as we could, so we were there when he was getting cleaned up, and then I was the first one to hold him, give him his bottle, and his first bath. K also wanted us to room in at the hospital, so we were able to have our own room and have J stay with us.

K and her mom came down to see J on Monday night. My FIL and his wife happened to be there at the same time, so I think it was good for K to see that baby J already has so many family members that love him.

K wanted to sign the relinquishment papers as soon as possible, which is 24* after delivery in Utah. Shortly before signing, she and her mom came down to our room again to hold J. I am so glad that we were able to spend a little bit of time with her in the hospital. I honestly have so much love and respect for K. She is such an amazing person!

We spent 48* in the hospital with J before he was discharged...meaning we just got home with him this afternoon. The only eventful thing that has happened is that his bilirubin level started to increase, so he had to come home with the bilirubin lights. It stinks that we have to keep him on them for so long, because then I can't hold him as much as I want!

I think that it is finally starting to sink in that I am a mom and DH is a dad. Part of it still seems like a dream that is just too good to be true. It is hard to believe that it REALLY happened...it just seems so surreal. DH and I love J so much already, and that bond just continues to grow stronger.

The hospital where J was born does newborn photography for all the new babies. When we first heard about it, we didn't think that we would end up wanting to buy any of the pictures, but they did such a good job, we just couldn't resist!

New Toy and Adoption Reading Question

First...

I bought a Nike + iPod kit, and today was my first day using it - I LOVED it! Basically, it is a chip that goes on my shoe and syncs to my iPod. It keeps track of how far I run, my pace, calories burned, etc. It also allows you to set up goals and you can download workouts to help you train. I am hoping that this will keep me motivated and help me improve.

Second, and more importantly...does anyone have any good advice on adoption articles and books that are good to give to family members? I was thinking that maybe it would help my MIL if I gave her some legitimate reading material. I saw the book "Adoption is a Family Affair: What Relatives and Friends Must Know", by Patricia Johnston on Barnes and Noble's website, but I am clueless as to how good it is. If anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear them!

People Just Don't Get It

Last night, we went to family dinner at my MIL's house. As much as I enjoy spending time with the family, I always dread it a little bit because it seems like the biggest topic of conversation is always babies. There is only one grandchild on that side of the family, and don't get me wrong - I love my niece - but sometimes it would be nice to talk about something else. Anyway, of course the adoption came up and people were asking DH and me if we had heard anything yet. We said no, and then my MIL proceeded to question us. This is how the conversation went:

MIL: Have you guys considered getting a baby from another country?
Us: Yes, but it is much more expensive and the wait can be much longer. We felt like domestic adoption was the best route for us.
MIL: But there are so many orphans. Why can't you just go to a country and pick out a baby?
Us: Well, it isn't that easy. There is a lot of red tape to go through with both our country and the country where the baby comes from.
MIL: Well, it seems like you should just be able to go pick out a baby and then pay a lawyer to do the adoption.
Us: Unfortunately, it just doesn't work that way. It's not that simple. Some people wait years to adopt a baby from another country, and it just depends on that country's rules.
MIL: When C and J (her sister and BIL) adopted a baby from Columbia, they just went there and got him, and I know it wasn't that expensive. I realize that was a long time ago, and he was 18 months old when they got him, but still.
Us: Most children that are adopted from other countries are not adopted as new babies.
MIL: Well, I bet that D (her brother who lived in Columbia) could call up his friend in Columbia and have him watch for a baby for you. And then you could adopt that baby and not have to keep waiting.
Us: Unfortunately, it just isn't usually that simple. There is much more to it than going to another country and just picking up a baby.
MIL: What other options do you have to get a baby faster?
Us: We could have chosen another agency that has faster placement times, but the fees would have been double or triple what we are paying with ours.
MIL: We can just have a bake sale and raise the money that you need to get a baby faster.

This conversation continued for a little while. I think that my MIL was still convinced that all she needed to do was have her brother call his friend in Columbia and it would be that easy for us to get a baby. I know that she is just excited for us and excited to have a grandchild, but sometimes it is a little much. It would be nice to sometimes talk about other things besides babies...after all, DH and I are still people who still have other interests and lives outside of adoption!

Fall Leaves and Update

Not much is new with me, but maybe that is a good thing. It means that nothing is too crazy with me right now.

I think that I have patched things up with my sister. We haven't really talked about what happened, but things are better. I decided to invite her to come up to my house last Friday to help me work on a project we were doing for my mom's birthday. At first it was a little awkward, but by the end of the night, I had her laughing and happy. Apparently she told my mom that she had been excited that she was the only one who was coming up to hang out, so I guess that is a good thing. I think that I just need to maybe make more of an effort to include her and make sure that she knows that I am glad to have her as my sister.

Last weekend, DH and I took a drive up the canyon by our house to see the fall leaves. I was a little nervous about how they would be because we have had such a warm fall, but there were some really pretty areas.




The drive made for a really relaxing day. The route we took included a pass through the mountain that led us to a small town, where we stopped for lunch. Autumn is definitely my favorite time of year, so I am so glad that DH and I were able to take the time to go enjoy the leaves.

Reoccuring Dream

I have had this dream a couple of times, and it is really kind of weird. Each time I have it, it is pretty much the same, but a few details will be different (i.e. the setting, etc). So here is the storyline of the dream:

Someone comes and tells me that my baby has been born. In my dream, I had a baby by using a surrogate with my eggs and my BIL's sperm. The surrogate was my SIL. This is very strange to me because I don't have a problem carrying a baby, I just have bad eggs. Plus, DH's sperm are great, and if we did ever use a donor/surrogate, I really doubt it would be a family member, especially not my BIL and SIL. So anyway, I will go to the area where the baby is and want to see her (it is always a girl), but am told that I have to wait outside because my BIL and SIL are bonding with the baby and everyone else in the family gets to see her first. As family members leave the room, they tell me how beautiful and precious my baby is. I start getting frustrated that I am the last one to see MY baby, and then finally they bring her out to me. Once I finally get to hold her, my heart just melts. She is a beautiful baby, but there is a bit of sadness that we used a surrogate and donor sperm. As I am holding her, she starts to get hungry, so I ask for a bottle. When she doesn't immediately take to it, my SIL makes a snarky comment about how at least she can breastfeed. Next thing I know, the baby is taken away from me so that she can be breastfed, and I am left with empty arms, wondering why I don't get to be with my own baby. Then I wake up.

Isn't that the weirdest dream? What is so strange to me is that I have had it on more than one occasion, and it is always so vivid. I can remember the specific people that are in it, the feelings, everything.

Also - an update with my sister. I was planning on writing her a nice e-mail, but I just haven't been able to do it yet. I keep seeing the things she posts and hearing about the things she is saying to my family members. At this point, I don't want to say anything nice to her. I want to make her see that she is bringing this on herself, but I know there is not a way to do that right now. She went and saw her therapist yesterday, and apparently she is going to start taking her meds again, so we'll see. At this point, I feel like I just need to keep my distance before I say anything I might regret.

The Letter From my Sister...

So this is the message that I received from my 18 year old sister yesterday. She also sent it to our two sisters and brother.

"I have decided since you all are against me- and you know you are or else you would not treat me like "crap" to put it VERY lightly; that you all are NOT invited to my wedding, and I want nothing to do with any of you once I am married, because if you really did care about me like how you care for each other (except for me- your freakin sister) then i wouldnt hate you all and wish you were all were never born- like how i know you all wish i was never born because lets face it according to the your "perfect" world i am the "Black sheep" in the family. you are all no longer considered my family UNTIL you can start treating me like i am part of it. For example- the day of my graduation dinner you all ignored me, that is not ok. you all got pissy with me, but when we were at b's freakin graduation dinner everyone was swarming her with attention. you see i feel like i have had to raise myself growing up, and you all have found stupid ways to get my into trouble. honestly i wish i could tell you how i really feel about you, but if i did you all would surely tell your parents about what i said and then i would be homeless, dont ever talk to me again! until like i stated above you can start treating me like part of the family, which knowing all of you wont ever happen, i hope you are happy with what you have done."

To be honest, this letter isn't too upsetting to me. I haven't responded to her yet and I really don't have any plans to right now. What upsets me the most is that she and her bf/fiance are posting things like this on their fb walls. I hate seeing my family thrown under the bus, but I don't know what to say/do. I am worried that anything I say or write will end up causing more problems.

Weekend Getaway and Drama

I feel like I kind of dropped off the face of the earth for the past few days, but it was for a good reason...DH and I were able to get away with some friends for a long weekend! One of our friends won a free stay at a home in St. George, UT and invited us and three other couples to come along. We went down Thursday after work and just got home tonight.

It was so nice to get away...honestly, it was just what I needed! We spent some time at the pool, went to the movies, ate tons of good food, played games, and spent an evening down in Vegas. It was such a carefree time...until...family drama.

DH and I both had family drama issues crop up on our sides of the family. Without going into too many details, I got a fb message from my sister that was sent to my other siblings and me. She basically said that she was disowning us because she thinks that we consider her to be the black sheep of the family. Her boyfriend/fiance also posted some pretty bad things about my family on fb, which were all untrue. I don't know what to do with my sister. She is bipolar, and she apparently hasn't been taking her meds, so it isn't like she is just purposefully trying to be this way. It is so hard to see my family hurt by how she acts, especially when I know it isn't really her.

Update and Labor Day Weekend

First, DH and I e-mailed M back on Thursday, and I haven't heard anything yet. However, I did use my work e-mail, so hopefully I will have a response waiting for me when I get to work tomorrow! I am not counting on it, but I would love it if it happened.

DH and I spent our Labor Day weekend camping with his extended family (as in like 40 or so people). I wasn't really too excited to go camping, but DH really wanted to go. I don't mind hanging out with his family, but I just wasn't looking forward to spending my weekend camping.

Anyway, I tried to go with a good attitude, but maybe it is a bad omen when the first thing that is said to you when you get out of the car is "I don't know if C told you, but I am 14 weeks pg". This was said to us by the wife of DH's cousin who was living with us until they got married this past March. I am guessing that this is a surprise pregnancy, because she told us "When you don't have sex until you get married, you end up having sex a lot after". Too bad it isn't that easy for everyone!

Because of this pg announcement, I was the only wife there who wasn't pg or didn't already have kids. It seemed like every conversation with the girls my age revolved around kids or being pg. I honestly felt like I didn't belong/fit in because I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. It wasn't anything that DH's family did wrong, but it was a constant reminder to me that I have failed at getting KU. Several people asked me about our adoption proceedings and it was nice to have them so genuinely interested, but at the same time, it would have been nice to be able to talk with people about things besides the adoption. I mean, there is more to me than that, right?

I kind of had a little breakdown last night in our tent, but lucky for me, I have become a pro at hiding my feelings when I am having a hard time. It sucks that this is the one thing I have learned to succeed at, but I didn't want to ruin DH's weekend. I did tell him a little bit about how I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere because of IF and not having kids, and he just made a joke of it by saying "Well, you seem to fit in with L". L is DH's six year old cousin.

So, I wouldn't say that I had a bad time camping, but it wasn't as fun as I was hoping for. I have always had such fun times with DH's family...I hate having to worry now that maybe I will feel out of place. Hopefully I was just having a rough day and I will be able to feel differently next time.

4 Years!

DH and I celebrated our anniversary this weekend, and I honestly can't believe that four years have already come and gone! It seems like just yesterday that we were just friends, hanging out with everyone else.

Our anniversary was a little low-key, but it was really nice that way. It made it easier to focus on each other and enjoy each other's company. On Saturday, we went out to eat at a restaurant called The Roof. It overlooks the place where we got married and offers a beautiful view of the city, which was nice and quite romantic. We had such a good time reminiscing about the past four years and sharing our hopes for the future. We both made comments about how even though our journey has been a little different than we thought it would be when we first were married, we are so grateful that we could share it with each other.

Our actual anniversary was on Sunday. Instead of going out on Sunday, I made a fancier dinner for us to enjoy at home. DH gave me a beautiful bouquet of roses and we exchanged gifts. It was pretty relaxing, but still nice. It was nice to not have any distractions and really just enjoy the time we had to spend with each other.

Although I didn't let myself dwell on it too much, this weekend also marked when we would have had a one year old child if it weren't for the m/c. HOWEVER, I have been doing so good at moving away from the what-ifs lately, and so it wasn't too hard. Of course I wonder how things would have been if we were celebrating a birthday, but it wasn't as painful as it could have been.

ICLW, Update, and Photos

Happy ICLW! I always look forward to this week every month. If you want to read my full story, click on the "Our Story" tab...in a nutshell, we just got our official approval for adoption a few weeks ago and are now waiting to be chosen by a birth mom. We are hoping the wait isn't too long, although I think that DH is worried that it will also come too fast!

Not much is new with us in the IF front. I had to redo the hard copies of our profile for our agency (I made them 12x12 and they apparently needed to be 8.5x11), so we can now be shown to birth parents that come into the office. I also decided to make a profile at http://www.hopingtoadopt.org/ since I had a voucher for two free months. Besides that, there really isn't much going on right now.

Last weekend, DH and I went up to Island Park, ID with his family for a mini-vacation. We all stayed in a cabin, road our 4-wheelers, and DH and I went up to Yellowstone. I thought that I would post some of my favorite pictures from the trip:

Scenery in Island Park

DH during a 4-wheeling break

More Island Park Scenery...we found this during one of our rides

DH and me in Yellowstone

Old Faithful

Waiting to see Old Faithful

While we were out riding, we found this old fenced in area - it looked like an abandoned cattle pen. When we got closer, we found a sign saying that it had been a train station in 1906-1907 to take people to Yellowstone. This picture was taken in front of the old ticket booth.

Welcome to my World

This past weekend, DH and I headed up to Island Park, ID with his family (his mom, step-dad, brother, SIL, and grandparents). Naturally, we expected to receive a few questions about our adoption progress. But then it started to seem like EVERY question was related to our adoption plans...How soon will you get a baby? Do you want a boy or a girl? What race are you willing to adopt? What if you are placed with a baby that isn't a newborn? What if you get a baby in two weeks? A lot of the questions were repeated, because one family member would ask, and then someone else who wasn't there would ask again.

We were handling the questions okay until we got into a lengthy discussion about adoption and breastfeeding. I had briefly mentioned something about it to my SIL, and she happened to have a nutrition book that she was reading that had some information in it. Eventually, the entire family got into a huge debate about whether we should try and breastfeed. My BIL and SIL were definitely in favor (they have a baby that they just weaned from breastfeeding), and soon almost everyone was saying that we should try and do it. DH started to get really upset because he felt like everyone was trying to be the "expert" and tell us what we should do. He hated that everyone kept asking us questions and bringing up the adoption, when some of their questions were personal. I didn't feel like it was that big of a deal, until I realized that this is what it is like going through IF.

I explained to DH that this is what it feels like to live with IF. Everyone seems to know what is best for you and has a suggestion on what will/will not work. You get the same questions over and over, and nobody minds their own business. DH asked me why I don't just tell people to "Effe off and mind their own business", but I told him that wouldn't help anything. People are just trying to be nice, even if it comes out wrong.

Fortunately, DH cooled off and we were able to enjoy the rest of our weekend. I think that it was a little eye opening for him to see a part of IF that he hadn't really experienced before.