Sunday, November 7, 2010

Nothing Yet

We are still waiting for our little guy to arrive. I am hoping that our BM will be induced tomorrow after her appointment, but we'll see. It is crazy to think that this will *hopefully* be our last child-free weekend. On Friday, DH and I went out for a little date night (dinner at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants, and then went to see "Social Network". I feel like we are as ready as we will ever be!

I am so excited for this to happen, but I will admit that there are times when I get a little freaked out. It isn't that I am freaked out to be a mom, it is more being nervous that I could get hurt. I think that when you have been dealing with IF, you learn to put up walls so that you can protect yourself. For example, a BFP doesn't automatically equal happiness: even though you are happy and excited, you are terrified about losing the baby. That is how I feel now. I am so excited to be a mom, for DH to be a dad, and for us to continue on this journey together. But, there is one part of me that says "Remember how IF screwed you over?? What makes you think that this will be any different? If you don't get excited, it won't hurt as bad if it doesn't work out". So, even though our BM seems to be pretty committed to this adoption, there is a small part of me that is holding back. I just don't want to get hurt again. Hopefully once she goes into labor and things are moving forward, I can feel more at peace and realize that this really is happening.

On a side note, some of the things that people say when they learn that I am adopting. I have heard plenty of the usual comments, such as "You are lucky because_____". These comments usually end with statements such as: you don't have to go through labor, you can fit in your pre-baby clothes without any effort, or you won't need to worry about recovering from pregnancy while taking care of your baby. I know that these comments are all well-meaning, but I don't think that people realize I would have gladly experienced any of those things. However, the winner of the inappropriate comment goes to one of my coworkers. She came into my office to tell me congratulations about the upcoming adoption, and she said "You know, I think I kind of know how you feel about infertility, but my problem was the opposite. Instead of not being able to have kids, I was too fertile. I got pregnant a couple times while I was on birth control. So even though I wouldn't say that my kids weren't unwanted, they weren't planned". Umm..okay? All I could do was stare at her and try to think of something to say. I'm sorry, about someone that is too fertile CANNOT know what it is like to be infertile! End of story!!!


  1. Wow!!!!!!!!! All I can say is WOW to the coworker.

    I wish you didn't have to wait so long for the BM to go into labor.

    Have I told you how excited I am for you??? I am soooooo excited for you.

  2. I am dying here! Tell her to have that baby already! And that woman...seriously, do they even think about what they say???

  3. Omgosh! Your coworker takes the cake. ARGH!

    I pray everything goes smoothly for you. I know *exactly* what you mean about IF screwing you up in terms of expectations (boy oh boy do I ever). I hate how much it has taken from me. And how I *should* be excited right now and how fear seems to be the overriding emotion...I totally get it.

    Hang in there.

  4. That coworker story is unbelievable. I am so excited that this is going to happen for you. I know what you mean about not getting hopes up, so I'm just going to hope for the best.

  5. When you've been through so much it seems to me your heart gets conditioned for disappointment. I hope this is your last childless weekend - each day must seems so long for you!!

    I won't comment on your co-worker's cluelessness other than to say when I read that I gasped. Really?!

  6. I have a question for you. If you are ok with giving me your address in an email. I would love to send you a gift.