Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Two Weeks

Things are going well! DH went back to work yesterday, so this has been my first few days home alone with J. Overall, it hasn't been too crazy; we are just trying to get into a good routine that will still allow me to get stuff done at home and get a little sleep! :)

I took J to his two week appointment yesterday, and he is already up to 8 lbs 6 oz. He is still 20.5" long, but the doctor said that is normal. J is becoming so much more alert, and it is fun to interact and play with him.

One of the things that I have been struggling with lately is finding a good balance between talking about J and being excited about being a mom compared with being sensitive to friends who have IF. I have one friend in particular, C, who this is especially difficult. C is very private, but a few months ago, she slowly started confiding in me more and more about how she and her husband have been trying to get pg for about a year and a half. The thing is though, C hasn't gone to the doctor to try and figure out what is going on, and I get the impression that she is not in a hurry to make an appointment. Before we found out about J, it was becoming easier for her to talk about IF with me. Now, it is uncomfortable to be around her. I have hung out with her twice, and both times she hardly talks. All she does is play games on her phone and look miserable. Other people have noticed this, so I know it is not just me. After the first time, I sent her a text saying that I know it is hard to be around baby stuff and I appreciated her friendship and support. She responded that this has been harder than she thought it would be, but she was happy for me. I want to be supportive of her because I DO know how hard it can be, but at the same time, I get frustrated because I don't think that she is doing anything to fix her situation. I also struggle with wanting to post things on fb or my family blog, but then I remember how bad it sucks to be on the other end and always have baby things flashed in your face. I suppose I am just trying to find a good balance so that I am not hurting anyone, while still enjoying J and being a mom.

11 comments:

  1. I am so glad that things continue to go well with J! He is such a cutie. I'm sorry that you are having a rough time with your friend, though. I think you are doing a great thing by trying to protect her, but you also can't help but get excited. It has to be a difficult position. I hope that things improve. Keep us posted.

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  2. J is so cute! I'm glad things are going well.

    And about your friend--it's wonderful that you are trying to be sensitive and find a balance with her. But at the same time, you can only do so much. She has to deal with her situation in her own way, and she will probably deal with some things differently than how you did/would.

    Maybe you could let her know that she will still be your friend, even if she needs to take a break from close contact for a while? I know you want to support her, but she might need some space, and giving it to her, guilt free, could be a kind of support, too.

    Of course, I don't know the situation any more than what you've posted, so that's just my two cents. Feel free to ignore me if I'm totally off base with this.

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  3. Here from ICLW. What a beautiful gift you have!!! Such a handsome little guy! Did you do a private adoption, may I ask? I haven't gotten a chance to read through your whole blog, but, I noticed that your timeline was relatively fast!!!

    CONGRATS!!!

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  4. Here's the thing. I have IF friends on FB, and because we all know we have each been through crazy stuff, it is okay. I am certain some of it is still hard. But, sometimes we have to hide, and hope others understand, which you do. So share, and let her know you know what it's like. Give her resources to help. But don't stop enjoying this new path and journey :)

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  5. J is beautiful! You can tell how much he has changed from the hospital pictures to now. I am so happy for you!

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  6. Congratulation on your beautiful baby!! After I had my baby, I was able to be a great support to one of my good friends who was going through infertility. I know it was still hard for her to see me with my son, but I was also in the unique position to understand the struggle and really support her experience.

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  7. I agree with an above comment...that everyone infertile or not should understand what it has taken for you to get to where you are today and should be happy for you no matter where they are at in the journey and as long as your are still supporting the other who remain IF in your life then things are all good...and yes Im sure there will be times when its hard for other IF to visit your blog or comment but I have found as long as you still support your past that they will respect and be happy for you:)

    Little Baby J is so cute by the way!!!

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  8. J is so adorable!!

    I don't have any tips on the friend situation - it sounds like you are being supportive of her, which has always helped me in my friends with babies. It was so much easier to be happier for them if they were supportive of me.

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  9. That is a tough situation with your friend. Like Kakunaa said, sometimes it's easier to hear baby stuff from someone you know has been through struggles. And her knowing that you're aware of it should make a big difference. It's quite possible, though, that you won't talk quite as much...until she hopefully has a baby of her own.

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  10. He is ABSOLUTELY adorable.... you are a very lucky Momma and I'm glad you are enjoying yourself!! ICLW

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  11. J is adorable! What a cutie! I'm so sorry that your friend is having a hard time with you being a mom. It's been hard for me when friends have had babies and I've been waiting longer than they've been trying. But, I just know that God has a plan for us and even if our wait is a bit longer it will happen.

    I try not to let my friends know about those jealous feelings. Instead I just cry at home. It's been much better for me lately though...I just pray about it a lot. I think that you are doing what you need to do...just keep being sensitive. In the end these are her feelings and you can't do anything about them. She's the one that has to do something. And I say that in the nicest way. It's hard...I know!

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