Monday, April 11, 2011

Feeling Overwhelmed

I have been debating over the past few days whether I wanted to write this post. I REALLY do not want to come across as being ungrateful, complaining, or selfish or anything like that, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I don't want to offend anyone by sharing my feelings, but at the same time, this is my blog, and I should be able to post what I want. With that said, please feel free to skip this post if you are having a hard time right now.

I have been feeling really overwhelmed for the past week or so. I feel like I need a break. I am sure that it is a combination of a lot of things...lack of a good night's sleep, pregnancy fatigue, all of the changes that are going makes for a lot of stress! The thing is, I feel SO GUILTY about feeling overwhelmed, and that makes it even worse. All along, I have always said that I would be so grateful for the chance to be a mom or be pregnant, and that I wouldn't complain about it. It was like because it was something I wanted so badly for so long, I didn't have a right to complain. Now, I feel like it is hard for me to admit any fears or frustrations that I do have.

I love J so much, and I absolutely love and adore being his mom. I am so grateful that he was sent to our family. But I feel like I need a day off. I want a night when I can sleep through the night, sleep in, and then spend the entire day doing fun things that I want to do, while not worrying about if J needs me and knowing that someone else is taking good care of him. I love my days home with J, but man, it is hard work! I am sure that being pregnant doesn't make taking care of a baby any easier.

I am so excited to meet this new baby, but I am also terrified for what changes September is going to bring. I worry about adjusting from one baby to two, and how that is even going to work. I know that there are plenty of other people out there who do it everyday, but it still seems so overwhelming at times. I worry about how much time work will let me take off - I already took 9 weeks of FMLA when we adopted J. I also worry about being able to afford taking time off work. I used up all of my PTO and most of my sick time when I was home with J. I worry about childcare, especially if my sister decides that taking care of two babies is much more than she bargained for. I could always take the kids to the daycare at my work, but that is much more expensive than paying my sister. We are trying to save as much money as we can right now so that our savings will be a little more padded in the fall, but then that makes me feel guilty for spending money on myself for things that I need, like maternity clothes.

All of these worries and emotions just pile on together to where I feel like I just need a break. I need to take a deep breath and tell myself that things are going to be okay. I am trying to hard to enjoy this stage of my life, but it can be hard to just let go of all the worries. I know that part of it is also the weather. Maybe that sounds crazy, but I hate winter, and we have had so much snow lately! It has been to the point that I have looked for other jobs and houses across the country so that I can get away from these Utah winters.

I know that once I see that new baby and have both Jumper and J in my arms, it will all be worth it and that things WILL turn is just getting there.


  1. Praying for some peace for you!!

    Don't ever apologize for how you feel! I hope to one day have the experience, but I also know that if that day ever comes there will be not so good days going through that. Just know that others are out there rooting for you, Jumper and J! I wish I lived nearby, I would offer you a night off!! :0)

    I hope you feel better soon!

  2. You do not have to apologize or feel guilty for how you feel right now. Pregnancy is exhausting as it is, I can't imagine caring for another infant or toddler while pregnant. I think it is completely natural for you to feel like you need a breather and there is nothing wrong with that! You have to take care of youself. Try to take things one day at a time and if that feels like too much, take things one hour or minute at a time. Hang in there!

  3. (((Hugs))) Thinking of you! Parenting is *hard* and being grateful for your children, and loving them, doesn't make it any easier. It's okay to want (and need, and take) a break. And it's okay to vent on your own blog--isn't that what it's for? :-)

  4. Hey darling, I can absolutely relate to this. It IS hard being pregnant and caring for a little one-AND missing sleep too. We recently night toilet-trained DD and guess who handled her at night? I know the money and maternity leave worry is a big one as well but if you need stuff, I think it's fair if you get it. Hope you get a chance to rest and have fun soon.
    Take care xx

  5. Maybe there is a way to carve out an hour here and there to just go to the library and read or take a walk?

    Don't feel guilty for needing a break. Being a mom is alot of work mentaly, emotionaly and physically. My ob told me to make sure and take time for me also. You need the rest. She is a mom of 4 so I think she is on to something.

    This is your blog, and you are not complaining. You are processing your feelings. There is a huge difference.


  6. You don't have to apologise for feeling overwhelmed! You’re human, so it would be crazy if things didn’t get overwhelming at times. No one would think less of you, or thing you love Jumper and J less, just because you have worries and need to vent at times!! And you worry because you’re a mother – it’s part of how we figure things out.

    I hope you can get a little break or just a little time alone. It must be SO exhausting being pregnant and having such a young little J to look after; we’re not made for it and it only happens in special situations like yours.


  7. It's not easy, and I think what you are feeling is totally normal! It has to be really overwhelming! Hang in there and remember to breathe...HUGS

  8. No need to apologize at all!! Being pregnant, being a new parent...those are all wonderful things; but I think part of the reason why people praise and pamper those who are at these stages in life, part of the reason we tell the person that is going through these things that it is so wonderful---is because, in reality, its HARD and DAUNTING and, well, just not necessarily always happy! :-)

    If there is a way to have your hubs or a neighbor or friend give you a couple hours of YOU time, I would arrange that.