J's New Cousin

My SIL gave birth to a healthy baby girl last night. This is their second child and also my second niece. It is good to say that I am so happy and excited for them!

When DH told me that she had gone into labor yesterday, I thought a lot about how I felt the last time she had a baby. We were TTC and my m/c had been a few months earlier. I remember feeling devastated that I wasn't pg again...I was so sure that I would be by the time her shower came around, and if not then, at least by the time their baby was born. When their daughter was born a few years ago, I remember that I was at work, and I just started crying at my desk. Even though I was happy for them, it hurt so badly and I knew that I was so jealous of them and what I was missing out on. I hated having to "fake" it in front of everyone.

It feels good to have been able to move beyond that place; granted, I realize that I probably wouldn't be at the point I am now if it weren't for having J or Jumper. I think it is true that nothing will help you move beyond the pain of IF until you have your own child or can truly get to a point where you want to live child free. IF has been such a hard ride, but as I have said before, I know that I have learned so much from it and I also know that it has brought me so much closer to DH. Now, I have to admit that I probably wouldn't want it any other way, otherwise I probably wouldn't have J and I can't imagine life without him!