I know this post might rub some people the wrong way, so I would recommend NOT reading it if you are having a hard time right now...
I am 38 weeks 4 days right now, but I am ready to be done. I have really enjoyed my pregnancy, and it hasn't been until recently that I have started to feel more uncomfortable and miserable. I keep telling myself that I need to just be grateful and enjoy this ride for as long as it lasts, but it is getting hard.
For the past 10 days or so, I have had contractions pretty much every day. Sometimes it is just a few contractions, and those are manageable, but there are also days when I will have them for hours. On both Saturday and Sunday nights, I had them so badly and they were starting to get close enough together that DH and I were thinking that it was time to head to the hospital...and then they started to fade away. I am sure that these false labor contractions serve some purpose, but it is getting old to have them and feel so exhausted after, and then have it all be for nothing. Add to it that the worst ones usually come at night, so I am not really sleeping.
I think that one of the hardest things has also been that it is getting hard for me to take care of J. He had a pretty bad cold last week that we had to deal with, but now that he is back to normal, he is all over the place...and sometimes I physically can't keep up with him. It makes me feel like such a bad mom to know that it is getting so hard for me to take care of him. I know he won't remember any of this, but it kind of feels like he got the short end of the stick in regards to his first year of life. I am sure that he didn't ask to get a mom who has no energy to play with him or do fun things with him.
I go to the doctor again on Thursday and I am hoping that she will give me some good news. When I went to my appointment last week, she had been called to do an emergency C-section, so I had to see the nurse. The good news from that appointment was that I was measuring a half week ahead, but the bad news was that they didn't check to see if I had effaced or dilated more.
I know that my due date is next week and even if I do go over, the end isn't too far away...I am just ready for it to be the end now! I am so anxious to meet this little girl and enjoy our family of four!
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Being ready for this to be over does not mean that you are ungrateful. You are ready for the next stage. Holding your newest baby. I know how you feel about J getting the short end of the stick. It is just a season that both of you are in. Even if you are not playing with him, he knows you love him and that is what he needs. It will be good for him to learn to play independantly. He needs that also.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get some good news at this appt.
Take care of yourself these last few days.
Pez
I agree with Pez. There are 4 years in between my girls and E got ALL of my undivided attention for YEARS. Parks, playing nonstop, you name it. She doesn't remember any of it. And she still struggles to share us with her sister. You're still a phenomenal momma, you're just ready to start living with two kiddos :) I hope she comes soon and that everything goes smoothly. Bonus that J was sick before you had her too :)
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't make you awful to be ready for this to end. I would imagine it's normal! I can't imagine how hard it must be especially with a baby. Praying your sweetie comes soon! Hugs!
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