Thursday, September 30, 2010

Reoccuring Dream

I have had this dream a couple of times, and it is really kind of weird. Each time I have it, it is pretty much the same, but a few details will be different (i.e. the setting, etc). So here is the storyline of the dream:

Someone comes and tells me that my baby has been born. In my dream, I had a baby by using a surrogate with my eggs and my BIL's sperm. The surrogate was my SIL. This is very strange to me because I don't have a problem carrying a baby, I just have bad eggs. Plus, DH's sperm are great, and if we did ever use a donor/surrogate, I really doubt it would be a family member, especially not my BIL and SIL. So anyway, I will go to the area where the baby is and want to see her (it is always a girl), but am told that I have to wait outside because my BIL and SIL are bonding with the baby and everyone else in the family gets to see her first. As family members leave the room, they tell me how beautiful and precious my baby is. I start getting frustrated that I am the last one to see MY baby, and then finally they bring her out to me. Once I finally get to hold her, my heart just melts. She is a beautiful baby, but there is a bit of sadness that we used a surrogate and donor sperm. As I am holding her, she starts to get hungry, so I ask for a bottle. When she doesn't immediately take to it, my SIL makes a snarky comment about how at least she can breastfeed. Next thing I know, the baby is taken away from me so that she can be breastfed, and I am left with empty arms, wondering why I don't get to be with my own baby. Then I wake up.

Isn't that the weirdest dream? What is so strange to me is that I have had it on more than one occasion, and it is always so vivid. I can remember the specific people that are in it, the feelings, everything.

Also - an update with my sister. I was planning on writing her a nice e-mail, but I just haven't been able to do it yet. I keep seeing the things she posts and hearing about the things she is saying to my family members. At this point, I don't want to say anything nice to her. I want to make her see that she is bringing this on herself, but I know there is not a way to do that right now. She went and saw her therapist yesterday, and apparently she is going to start taking her meds again, so we'll see. At this point, I feel like I just need to keep my distance before I say anything I might regret.


  1. That dream would have me waking up crying...weird is not the word I would use.

    Glad your sister is going back on her meds and that you are staying quiet :). Hope it gets better.

  2. It hurt my heart just to read about the dream. I hope you don't have that dream again.

  3. What a terrible dream to have to keep experiencing!

    I think not responding to your sister is smart. You won't win if you do, and you'll just upset yourself some more. I hope her meds help.

  4. Recurring dreams freak me out. I hope it stops soon for you.