First, DH and I e-mailed M back on Thursday, and I haven't heard anything yet. However, I did use my work e-mail, so hopefully I will have a response waiting for me when I get to work tomorrow! I am not counting on it, but I would love it if it happened.
DH and I spent our Labor Day weekend camping with his extended family (as in like 40 or so people). I wasn't really too excited to go camping, but DH really wanted to go. I don't mind hanging out with his family, but I just wasn't looking forward to spending my weekend camping.
Anyway, I tried to go with a good attitude, but maybe it is a bad omen when the first thing that is said to you when you get out of the car is "I don't know if C told you, but I am 14 weeks pg". This was said to us by the wife of DH's cousin who was living with us until they got married this past March. I am guessing that this is a surprise pregnancy, because she told us "When you don't have sex until you get married, you end up having sex a lot after". Too bad it isn't that easy for everyone!
Because of this pg announcement, I was the only wife there who wasn't pg or didn't already have kids. It seemed like every conversation with the girls my age revolved around kids or being pg. I honestly felt like I didn't belong/fit in because I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. It wasn't anything that DH's family did wrong, but it was a constant reminder to me that I have failed at getting KU. Several people asked me about our adoption proceedings and it was nice to have them so genuinely interested, but at the same time, it would have been nice to be able to talk with people about things besides the adoption. I mean, there is more to me than that, right?
I kind of had a little breakdown last night in our tent, but lucky for me, I have become a pro at hiding my feelings when I am having a hard time. It sucks that this is the one thing I have learned to succeed at, but I didn't want to ruin DH's weekend. I did tell him a little bit about how I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere because of IF and not having kids, and he just made a joke of it by saying "Well, you seem to fit in with L". L is DH's six year old cousin.
So, I wouldn't say that I had a bad time camping, but it wasn't as fun as I was hoping for. I have always had such fun times with DH's family...I hate having to worry now that maybe I will feel out of place. Hopefully I was just having a rough day and I will be able to feel differently next time.
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Ugh! I know how those gatherings go and it's no fun. Don't women have anything else to talk about?? :) Hopefully you will have an email waiting for you tomorrow.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))) I'm sorry you had such a tough time. I remember when I had to go to school functions with DH and all the professor's wives talked about were their children or their pgs. It was frustrating because I didn't know where I fit in. Eventually I just decided to hang out with the students. I'm glad I did, because now that DH is the Academic Dean it makes him more accessible to them and they are fun to hang out with.
ReplyDeleteStill, those emotions of feeling left out are hard to shake. I still get them from time to time. Hang in there, sweetie.
I hope you get an response to your email.
Family gatherings ae SO hard, especially when you're feeling fragile! And camping would have meant it's a long time and there would have been no respite - you did so well to not break down in front of everyone! ((HUGS))
ReplyDeletesorry you had a rough time. those get togethers can be hard. :( hopefully soon you will have your own child to chat about.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you felt like you did not fit in. I go through that at church every Sunday.
ReplyDeleteI really hope you have a response in your in box. I have been waiting to hear from you ever since you posted about the birth mom.
Yes, there is decidedly more to you than just being a soon to be mom.
Pez
I'm sorry it ended up being a kind of in-you-face weekend. That makes it so difficult. I hope you hear something soon!
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