Now that we have had two u/s that show a healthy baby, DH is ready to start spreading the word. Problem is, I am not. He doesn’t understand my hesitation, and it is hard for me to explain it to him. He is looking at the situation logically, while I am looking at it emotionally. I know that if I had never gone through IF, I would be so ecstatic that I couldn’t wait to tell everyone our good news. After all, we have seen the heartbeat and the doctor said that everything is looking great and our risk has gone down significantly, so in his mind, why wait?
On Friday, DH told me that he has told his coworkers that we are expecting. I asked him why, and all he would say is that it started leaking out. I don’t know how it would start leaking out unless he was the one doing the leaking. Also, DH’s brother is living in Paraguay right now. My MIL must have e-mailed him with the news because in his e-mail to the family today, he said “I was so happy to hear the news about the new upcoming additions to the family! It’s going to be weird coming home to all these new kids in the family!”. This e-mail went out to all of DH’s extended family. They were aware that my SIL is pg, that my other SIL just had a m/c, so unless I am being overly sensitive, that points a big finger at me!
I know that I probably am just being overly sensitive about this, but I really just wanted to wait until the second trimester to really start saying anything. I feel so mush pressure from DH, my MIL, and my mom to start being more open, because they are all so confident that things are going to turn out. I keep joking that I am just going to start gaining weight and let everyone wonder what is going on, but part of me is serious about it. Maybe I just need to buck up, but I really am just not ready. I just wish that people IRL would understand that!
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This is so difficult. I just went through this with DH. Do your worlds collide? In other words, are there safe people that DH can tell that will allow for you to tell your people in your own time? That way, it could be some sort of compromise?
ReplyDeleteI get it. I definitely want to wait until the second trimester the next time we have a bfp. Hoping you can figure something out that works for both you and dh.
ReplyDeleteI totaly get where you are at. IRL people can wait the next two weeks until you are ready to tell people.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much to being pregnant after a loss and infertility.
Pez
I get it, too. I'm sorry that you and your DH aren't seeing eye to eye on this. It sounds so difficult. I like Kelly's suggestion about letting your DH tell "his" people now, while you wait to tell yours. But it sounds like that won't work with your families . . .
ReplyDeleteI know how hard this is. When is your next appointment? We told just close family (siblings and parents) at 8 weeks and then waited til 12 weeks to tell friends...and I never felt truly ready. I don't know when I would have, maybe now when the belly is doing the talking? I hope you two figure out something that works for both of you. Maybe give it another week or so and see how you feel?
ReplyDeleteThe 'coming' out part is so hard. You have every right to want to wait a while. I told really 'late' compared to some people-to friends and colleagues at work (cos it was getting obvious) at 16 weeks. Some other family members didn't even find out until 20 weeks. I think you are doing your best to explain your wishes to DH and he needs to respect that. Of course he is excited and it will be wonderful for you guys to become a family of four. But you deserve a bit more privacy until you feel ready.
ReplyDeleteTake care
Ugh. This is like my husband. I know he's excited, but he doesn't understand how insensitive blurting out to everyone in the world can be. I've had to tell people because Hobart's not big and I was worried people would hear it from someone other than me and get upset. My husband has literally been telling random people in shops! I hope it all goes well.
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