Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Wavering Emotions

I scheduled our intake appointment with adoption agency today. We go in for our appointment Friday at 11:00. I am really excited to be moving forward, but part of me is having a hard time. It sunk in that beginning this Friday, we really could be writing a check and jumping into adoption. It is exciting, but it also is SO overwhelming. Even though I know that we are much more likely to be blessed with kids through adoption than TTC on our own, sometimes I almost feel like I am giving up. I know that adoption is not a quick fix for IF and that the pain of IF will likely continue even after we have adopted a child. I also know that being pg is only a means to an end, but it is still something I want to experience.

I think that these feelings were brought on after spending time with my pg friends and just seeing pg ladies in general. I feel like is some ways I am growing apart from my friends. I know it isn't their fault that they are able to move forward to the next stage of life, and we are getting left behind.

If you have read the Hunger Games series (if not - I highly recommend them), you are familiar with the line "May the odds be ever in your favor". I feel like through this entire TTC, the odds have not been in our favor. I am ready for the odds to be in my favor. And I guess that they have been in many regards - DH and I both have good jobs, a good home, and good health. There is just the one thing that is lacking.

I am hoping that these feelings are normal for someone in my situation. Hopefully things will start to get a little easier as we keep moving forward and making progress.


  1. I know, none of it's easy. I hope your appointment goes well.

  2. I hope Friday goes well for you and your DH. (((hugs)))

  3. Super excited to hear about your appointment, I hope it goes well!! And I think your feelings are totally natural...part of IF is that waiting, or being left behind in some cases. And it sucks! So just focus on how you're moving forward and every day is bringing you closer to your goal!

  4. Hope the appointment goes well. I think everything you are feeling is completely natural. I send you a big ((HUG)).

  5. I think no matter what happens to us (even if we get pregnant or adopt), we will always always have the pain and baggage of being infertile. You can't ignore the long lonely pain that we've been through. There is no cure for it. It'll always be a part of us. Hopefully, it will just hurt less one day. And I think when you have your baby in your arms, adopted or bio, you will be so happy that this won't be on your mind at all.

    Heading to my first adoption info meeting on the 19th! Totally nervous!

  6. I think that what you are feeling is normal. I'm praying and hoping that your appointment goes well!