This past weekend, DH and I headed up to Island Park, ID with his family (his mom, step-dad, brother, SIL, and grandparents). Naturally, we expected to receive a few questions about our adoption progress. But then it started to seem like EVERY question was related to our adoption plans...How soon will you get a baby? Do you want a boy or a girl? What race are you willing to adopt? What if you are placed with a baby that isn't a newborn? What if you get a baby in two weeks? A lot of the questions were repeated, because one family member would ask, and then someone else who wasn't there would ask again.
We were handling the questions okay until we got into a lengthy discussion about adoption and breastfeeding. I had briefly mentioned something about it to my SIL, and she happened to have a nutrition book that she was reading that had some information in it. Eventually, the entire family got into a huge debate about whether we should try and breastfeed. My BIL and SIL were definitely in favor (they have a baby that they just weaned from breastfeeding), and soon almost everyone was saying that we should try and do it. DH started to get really upset because he felt like everyone was trying to be the "expert" and tell us what we should do. He hated that everyone kept asking us questions and bringing up the adoption, when some of their questions were personal. I didn't feel like it was that big of a deal, until I realized that this is what it is like going through IF.
I explained to DH that this is what it feels like to live with IF. Everyone seems to know what is best for you and has a suggestion on what will/will not work. You get the same questions over and over, and nobody minds their own business. DH asked me why I don't just tell people to "Effe off and mind their own business", but I told him that wouldn't help anything. People are just trying to be nice, even if it comes out wrong.
Fortunately, DH cooled off and we were able to enjoy the rest of our weekend. I think that it was a little eye opening for him to see a part of IF that he hadn't really experienced before.
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Just remind him that it means they care, even if it is overwhelming, and you can always do a "we appreciate the suggestions, but let us get situated..." type of announcements. Maybe? Still so exciting!
ReplyDeletePeople are the same way about pregnancy and childbirth too. I think when it comes to babies and children, people just tend to be very opinionated and don't seem to realize that unsolicited advice is usually NOT welcome.
ReplyDeleteYeah, everyone has an opinion and feels that they should tell you what to do. Breastfeeding an adopted child can be difficult. You have to take hormones and pump for months ahead of time. Timelines are so tricky with adoption. If you are lucky to have a couple months to prepare once you are chosen, then there is always a chance of a disrupted adoption and you would have to dry up while grieving the loss (hopefully this doesn't happen!!!!!). But if everything works out, I can imagine it can be rewarding. Until we got E, I didn't realize that I would want to breastfeed so badly! An option that I may do next time is a supplement thing that attaches to your breast, so it's like your breastfeeding, but your not. And if you are trying to, it will help to build up your supply too.
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW!