Monday, March 7, 2011

Destined for Bitterness?

I am starting to wonder if I will always harbor some level of bitterness for pg women who complain about their pregnancies.

I think I have mentioned this before, but I have a good friend who is pregnant with twins. She is two weeks farther along than me, and it took her about a year and a cycle of Clomid to get pg. So, she hasn't had the easiest journey, but obviously not the worst time, either. I have noticed that whenever my friend talks about her pregnancy, there is usually some element of complaining. I don't think she is necessarily doing it on purpose, and maybe she is just trying to be funny, but it still bothers me to some degree, especially since I know that she HATED it when our other friend constantly complained about her pregnancy last year.

I feel bad, but part of me does not look forward to spending time with her. I know that pregnancy isn't necessarily the easiest thing to live with, and I am sure it is harder with twins. It is still just hard for me to hear others complain about something that I am so thankful for. I wish I knew a nice way to say something to her about it, but I don't want to come across as being snarky.


  1. I wish I could help. It is so hard to let people know that their behavior is difficult for you without being snarky. I'm still working on this one, myself.

    I hope you do figure out a way to talk to your friend so you can maintain the friendship. (((Hugs)))

  2. This is a tough one, unless you want to confront her directly. Sometimes it's easier to just swallow it, even when you can't stand hearing what she's saying! I think you are a good friend already just for not having snapped at her, that's what I would have done (very crabby right now!)
    Take care

  3. I hate when people are like that. I have noticed that I have started to just distance myself from people who get me upset. They're not worth my time or energy! It might be a little harsh, but it saves my sanity! :0)

  4. I thought about this for a while before posting. If you think about it, with or without fertility issues, our social climate really expects negativity. Whether it's asking someone how they're doing, or how their weekend went...mostly you will get a list of complaints.

    Women in particular are bombarded with negative messages about their bodies. How many women celebrate their monthly periods? Sounds strange, yes? Or celebrate their own bodies? Their own pregnancies? We constantly receive messages that we are too fat, too smelly, too PMS-ing, and that there is a remedy for absolutely everything that is wrong with us from wrinkle cream to feminine wash products. help put this in perspective, I think it's sometimes expected to complain about pregnancy, too. And if she complains about it, then perhaps she is convincing herself that she is somehow "normal" in the sense that every other woman complains about their pregnancy symptoms.

    Sorry so long-winded, but just trying to give a little insight into something that I just see women complaining about all the time.

  5. P.S. Also, you might try countering her complaints with a positive statement, in order to help affirm her. If she complains about XYZ, you might say "My goodness, but you would never know it - you are positively glowing today!"

    As women...I think it's more empowering to lift each other up. I bet she doesn't complain to you anymore if you counter her with radiant optimism! :o)