Shortly after I found out that one of my good friends, L, was KU last December, one of my other good friends, A, and I decided that we wanted to through her a baby shower. A got KU the same time as L, but she ended up having an ectopic pg. She has wanted a baby for a long time, so we have been able to sympathize with each other.
Anyway, we started planning a baby shower for L. This was kind of a big step for me because normally I go out of my way to avoid going to baby showers, let alone be involved in all of the planning. But, this has been somewhat therapeutic for me. It has helped me get more excited for L's baby and really just made this whole thing easier. I have found that it is easier for me to deal with a friend/family members pg if I am being proactive and trying to give of myself.
Earlier this week, our friend B, who just recently announced that she was unexpectedly KU, started e-mailing about how since she no longer has to work the day of the shower, she wants to help plan it. She was offering to help with food, decorations, etc. The problem is, I REALLY don't want her help. This shower is something that I want to do for L. It is something in the baby world that I have control over. I don't want some fertile chick coming in and taking credit or taking over. Maybe that sounds harsh and probably really petty, but I have a hard time with B as it is.
So now, I have been trying to nip any suggestions she has. For example, she mentioned that she has some decorations - my response? Well, we were just planning on making a diaper cake and getting balloons, since the shower is at a clubhouse. Food? Oh, we already talked about it and have it planned... I know that maybe I should just tell A how I am feeling or even just thank B for her offer, but tell her that we have everything under control. I just don't want to be seen as that bitter/jealous/bitchy girl.
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I think its perfectly okay to tell someone you already have it under control. Maybe she can help write down gifts/gift giver at the shower and help with clean up as a compromise?
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one, so I think being really diplomatic would be best. You totally deserve to plan this on your own but she seems like she won't take no for an answer! So maybe if you keep thanking her for her suggestions and let her know you'll give her a yell if you need!? Life is full of these sucky situations for us infertiles, ugh!
ReplyDeleteTake care
My best friend (before a breakup) is 8 months Pg, and it took me a while to figure out that being involved was the easiest way to deal. In a strange way, it was a distraction....not that it was smooth sailing, but it was a way to deal. I got very ... protective over the things I perceived as MY tasks with regard to helping her prepare. So I totally understand. And I think you can let her know that it's under control, but you appreciate the assitance and will let her know if you need anything....
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