Thursday, May 20, 2010

Peace of Mind

First, thanks so much to everyone who has been showing me so much support lately. I REALLY appreciate your kind and encouraging words!

Last night, I headed out for a run to try and get some exercise and clear my head. It had been a while since I last went running, and I forgot how much of a calming effect it can have on me. My fun gave me some uninterrupted time to think about everything and I noticed that I tend to have the most anxiety about our situation whenever I think of doing either IVF or EA. I am not sure if it is because I worry that we will spend all of our money on that and then it won't work, or if it some sort of intuition that I am feeling, or maybe it is just the reassurance of having a plan in place.

When we were getting ready for bed, I told DH that unless we get some amazing news from the counselor and doctor, I am leaning towards going the traditional adoption route. DH kept saying how it is too soon to make any plans. During our conversation, I started to get the impression that maybe DH is in at least a little bit of denial about the gravity of our situation. Don't get me wrong...I am not giving up on having biological children, but I am also trying to be realistic. I have been e-mailing DH's cousin who adopted two kids, and she said something that stuck with me. She said, "I know without a shadow of a doubt that it [adoption] is a way to get the babies that are supposed to be yours here! Sometimes they just have to come a different route." It really hit me that however I get my baby, whether it is biologically or not, that baby is mine and is supposed to be mine. So maybe DH and I will eventually be able to have biological children, but maybe there is another baby out there that is supposed to be ours, too.

The bottom line is that I am feeling a little bit better (at least for today!) about our situation. I feel like I have a little more peace of mind and less anxiety.

7 comments:

  1. Yay for peace of mind! Cling to that feeling of peace!

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  2. I can tell by your post today that you seem more at peace. Hang onto that feeling !

    Thinking of you and praying for you (((HUGS)))

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  3. Peace of mind is huge when it comes to IF, hope it sticks around and you continue down either road you choose! Thinking of you!!

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  4. This is great you are at that peaceful place for now! I totally agree with what DH's cousin said. Any baby who comes to you will be totally yours. I'm so glad to hear you are doing better :)

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  5. So glad, as peace of mind is so crucial! I feel the same way - that however my babies enter my home, God will have meant them for me. And I'm more at peace thinking of traditional adoption too if my post-lap TTC efforts fail. Hugs!

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  6. I'm so happy that you have found some peace. I find that when I'm at peace I can make the best decisions. Hopeful now that you have some peace your husband and you can make all the decisions you need to move on to the next steps of getting a baby.

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  7. Glad you found some peace :)

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