Peace of Mind

First, thanks so much to everyone who has been showing me so much support lately. I REALLY appreciate your kind and encouraging words!

Last night, I headed out for a run to try and get some exercise and clear my head. It had been a while since I last went running, and I forgot how much of a calming effect it can have on me. My fun gave me some uninterrupted time to think about everything and I noticed that I tend to have the most anxiety about our situation whenever I think of doing either IVF or EA. I am not sure if it is because I worry that we will spend all of our money on that and then it won't work, or if it some sort of intuition that I am feeling, or maybe it is just the reassurance of having a plan in place.

When we were getting ready for bed, I told DH that unless we get some amazing news from the counselor and doctor, I am leaning towards going the traditional adoption route. DH kept saying how it is too soon to make any plans. During our conversation, I started to get the impression that maybe DH is in at least a little bit of denial about the gravity of our situation. Don't get me wrong...I am not giving up on having biological children, but I am also trying to be realistic. I have been e-mailing DH's cousin who adopted two kids, and she said something that stuck with me. She said, "I know without a shadow of a doubt that it [adoption] is a way to get the babies that are supposed to be yours here! Sometimes they just have to come a different route." It really hit me that however I get my baby, whether it is biologically or not, that baby is mine and is supposed to be mine. So maybe DH and I will eventually be able to have biological children, but maybe there is another baby out there that is supposed to be ours, too.

The bottom line is that I am feeling a little bit better (at least for today!) about our situation. I feel like I have a little more peace of mind and less anxiety.