Today was just one of those blah/down days. There really wasn't any one thing that really made me feel down. I think that it was probably a lot of little things...I started spotting, so I have no hopes for a BFP this cycle, I was feeling stressed about getting some things done for church, feeling tired, seeing ladies with cute pg bellies, just little things like that. It all ended up with me having a little pity party and feeling like I could easily burst into tears about my seemingly non-functional uterus and reproductive system in general. I have been doing a lot of the "why me's?"...why haven't I been able to get pg again? Why can't DH and I expand our family? I know that there are so many couples out there in the same situation and everyone has their cross to carry, but I am getting tired of carrying this one.
I think that I am also really stressing about the upcoming test results. Whatever these results say are going to have a HUGE impact on our course of action. I know that we will still be able to have kids if I have the problem, but the thought of it gives me so much anxiety and just stresses me out. My insurance has a website where you can check your lab results/medical information, and I keep checking it to see if anything was posted, but nothing yet. I should have my results by Friday, but I have a feeling that this is going to be a long week.
So I ended up going to the infertility conference yesterday. I went with my friend, M, who has been struggling with IF for 3+ years. I am glad that I went, even though I wouldn't say that I learned a ton of new information. A lot of what was presented seemed somewhat straight forward, but I did learn a few things, plus it was just good to go with a fellow IF sufferer and get that support. Some of the doctors talked about IF basics, natural methods to improve your fertility, and the emotional aspects of IF. If you have the opportunity to go to a conference in your community, I would recommend checking it out, even if it is just to get another source of support.