Sunday, March 28, 2010

Being Cheerful

I feel like I am doing pretty well. I was feeling a bit down on myself this morning - maybe because, against my better judgement, I decided to POAS and I got a BFN. Or maybe because at church we sat behind a baby that would have been the same age as mine if it weren't for the m/c. Or maybe because there always seems to be so many women in our church who have new babies or are KU. Whatever the reason, I was having a hard time with things.

BUT...I didn't want to let myself melt down to a puddle of despair. I remembered that right now, all I am doing all that I can to eventually be a mom. The rest is out of my control. I have a friend who is serving a mission for our church right now, and she recently sent me a letter. At the bottom of the letter, she included a scripture reference. The scripture says: "Therefore, dearly beloved brethern, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power, and then we may stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed". I am sure that when this scripture was written or when my friend sent me this letter, it was never thought that this would help someone with IF, but it has helped me. As I mentioned in previous posts, I am trying really hard to be more optimistic and happy. So, maybe if I am cheerfully doing all that I can, I just need to learn to rely on God to help with the rest. I am not saying that it is God's will that I don't have kids or that I am going through IF. What I am saying is that I think that if I am doing all that I can and trying to have the best attitude possible, then everything is going to turn out okay in the end. Maybe I won't be a mom as quickly as I would like to be, but everything will turn out all right.

On a different note, I have been thinking a lot about adoption lately. Maybe that seems strange, seeing as how I have yet to even take a single dose of Clomid or experience my first IUI. But, I feel really peaceful when I think about adoption. I am not quite sure how to bring it up to DH yet. We have talked about it before briefly, and he has said that he isn't ready to throw in the towel on having biological kids. I am not saying that I want to stop TTC a biological child, but I do feel like maybe this is something we could start looking into. Has anyone else had experience with this? What was your experience? How did your husband respond?


  1. I feel like I'm going through something very similar - I want to continue to ttc but not as agressively. It's too difficult on my emotions & hopes. I've found myself thinking more and more about adoption. We're talking about it... I'm actually all mixed up lately which is why it's good we started going to counseling! Sorry no words of wisdom yet... just that I'm in the same boat!

  2. I feel like we're on the same page about feelings towards IF. It's been such a process, but I feel like I'm finally at peace with my situation. And like you said, we do all that we can..and it will be whatever it's meant to be.

    I have brought up adoption a few times to my husband..he wants to exhaust all options of having a biological child before even considering it. I'm much more interested in it, but he's not ready to discuss it. Good luck talking to your hubby about it.

  3. It's great that you have such a positive attitude, despite you feeling down (which you are totally 100% allowed to feel). Anyway, I hope that it works out for you in the future whether it be adoption or a future cycle. I just added your link to my blog. Hugs from ICLW #25 and 27!

  4. Ok, this might be a long comment...first off, I do the same thing with kids who could be "my" baby's age. It makes it hard, but you have a wonderful attitude.
    And…I do the same thing with scriptures or talks. I seem to always relate it to what I'm going grieving and this trial of wanting to have a baby. I think it is a blessing how personal I can make the scriptures.
    DH and I have been talking about fost/adopting. It was a tough topic at first because he wants either all biological kids or all adopted kids (not really sure why) but the more we talk about it the more open he is about "things". Good luck! None of this is easy!
    I hope to get to know you better through our blogs!

  5. Sorry for the lack of comments lately sweetie. Blogger is being a total pain now, I have just typed this same comment 3 times. Anyway I just wanted to say I am sorry for the lack of comments lately and I totally understand your desire to adopt. just be totally honest with Dh I am sure he will understand.
    Take care !!